Attention whore

In case anyone didn't know this about me, I'm kind of an attention whore. I love it. I'm just like a little kid- PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!! I adore being adored. I have a blog so that people will tell me I'm funny. I'm a teacher so that kids have to do what I say. (Ok, that last part is not true.)

I have a post mostly written in my head about reasons why I'm rejecting a lot of the guys on match that I think is pretty funny, but I'm looking at the guys I'm talking to and I'm starting to wonder why. I keep telling people, "I can tell that this guy is soooo into me!" as a joke, but most of the time, it's true and that's why I'm going on all of these dates. Here's the problem though: someone really liking you? It really is only half the battle. The other half is finding someone that you also really like. And going out with people for your own ego is only fun once, then you realize that you're in a bad situation AGAIN. And you have to wrestle with the questions of should I go out with them again? Is the fact that he really likes me enough of a reason? And quite frankly, most of the time, it is not.

Then the guilt starts. Why do I keep doing that? Why do I feel like I owe anyone anything? This is how the dating game is played, not that I'm into playing games. It's not like I'm making any promises that I don't intend to keep, but I've been the person who is really sad when someone doesn't want to go out again and I know it sucks.

There's another guy that I've been emailing who I think falls into this category. I've just recognized this pattern, and I can't decide if I'm being ridiculous, neurotic, overly cautious, or all of the above. I just keep hoping that when I meet them in person I'll find something that I really like, and lately, that hasn't been the case. I don't know how to stop. How do I draw the line between being open-minded about new people and being an attention whore?

This whole story started out way funnier in my head. Damn Catholic guilt complex. Makes me feel bad when I didn't even DO anything.

Ok, something lighter- my work holiday party was last night, and it was a lot of fun. I drank a lot of wine, then woke up on my couch, fully dressed, covered in rice with the tv on at 4 am. That was confusing. So I just got up and went to bed. This morning when I woke up, I brushed my teeth, and I swear to you, it is the single greatest thing I had ever done. Toothbrushes are amazing. Seriously.

SOTD: White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes. The title just fits my mood today. It's entirely possible that I am just in need of a nap.

Alternate SOTD: Mistake by Fiona Apple. It just got stuck in my head as I re-read this. I'm gonna make a mistake. I'm gonna do it on purpose. Gonna waste my time.