Sunday, May 16, 2010

An update on my dating life

I just mentioned wishing I was in love.

And then some dude on okcupid sent me this:

"You seem interesting, as long as you're not like crazy or anything, I'd be up for getting a coffee and some stimulating conversation. Hit me back!"

And I am reminded that this is SUPPOSED to be work. Because seriously.

I sort of do want to hit him back. As in smacking him and telling him that he's a moron. I also got one the other day that said something like, "It's not all about looks, but my face is happy looking at your face." Are you 7? WTF IS that?

SOTM(M is for moment, because we already have one for the day): If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz. "I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it KILLS me... it might kill me."

Killin' it

I spent a lot of time yesterday afternoon with my friend Ali, and for reasons I can't explain, she was KILLING IT. I couldn't stop laughing. A few choice gems:

"Hey! You should drop trou so I can see your bruises, just please keep your ass covered."

"Whoa! My sippy cup has an erection!"

And then, watching something where a fat guy went out a window:

"Oh now that just makes me think of poop."

She's moving in a month. I can't even think about it.

SOTD: Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. This song makes me really happy. Then it makes me wish that I was in love, which sounds depressing, but no, seriously- isn't this just the kind of song that you want to hear on a summer day?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I quit!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I wanted to take this formal opportunity to announce that as of this moment, I QUIT THIS WEEK. (I'm quitting the WEEK, not any sort of job or anything. I can do that, right? Just call it over?)

The first thing is that after a few weeks of calm, spring has sprung and my kids went balls out cuckoo for cocoa puffs. I'm done with them. They make me so tired, and less able to deal with other stressors. Such as...

I had 2 little boys, probably about 7, spying on me while I was in the shower. Good thing I've perfected my mean teacher voice. Also, I told my neighbors, who are totally okay with turning the hose on them if they ever show up in the yard again. Also, if anyone reading this knows my dad, DO NOT TELL HIM THIS STORY. He will show up here with a baseball bat, and that's just bad for neighborhood relations.

But wait! I'm not done. I was just out riding my bike, picking up my groceries like I do, when I officially joined the Urban Cyclist club. How did I do that? I GOT DOORED. You guys? That shit hurts. I was fine, but now it's about an hour later and everything is starting to hurt, and I think I may have more bruises than I realized. My head actually hit a minivan. Yes, I was wearing my helmet, and more importantly, yes, the bottle of wine in my backpack remained intact. But SERIOUSLY.

So there it is. My letter of resignation from this week. I will be in my house ignoring the world until tomorrow. Next week has to be better, right?



SOTD: It Sucks to Be Me from Avenue Q. On the upside, I saw this yesterday and if you have a chance, I highly recommend it. Things you can learn: The internet is really great for porn, it's okay to be gay, how pervy you'll feel watching puppets have sex (true!), and that Glenn Beck is only for now. Oh, and that everyone is racist.