Tuesday, May 27, 2008


So, you know how sometimes when you're talking to me, and you're all, "What color is the sky?" And I'm all "Blue, sometimes, but you know what else? Chocolate, puppies, and Shakespeare. The end." Does that answer a question? Only sort of. Is that a good way to behave in an interview? Mmmm, probably not.

Also, do you know that having people you know interview you is actually harder? I don't know. Something about it made me extra nervous.

Once I survive this week, my life will be cake. For real. I'm so close to finishing my master's, I can taste it.

But I had a great weekend. I have friends! And I got to see them! And it was all summertime and awesome! It actually makes the 40's we have today seem okay because at least I'm not missing out on summertime fun, you know?

Also, my lack of cable and need for braindead time means that I'm currently watching "Moment of Truth." Wow, is this fascinating, and wow will I NEVER EVER EVER go on this show. Also, this dude is totally sketchy, and soooooo dumped when he gets home. No matter how much money he wins.

Today's song is "Why Not Smile" by REM. Because I always get it stuck in my head on really good days that make me realize that I've been a bit of a stressball. When I'm ready to go out and have a good time. Even though it seems depressing, I swear it's not. Michael Stipe has always been very reassuring to me in ways I cannot explain.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Saturdays are AWESOME.

Oh my god you guys, did you know that Saturdays are awesome? I mean, when you take Friday night off, and then Saturday is beautiful out so you go outside and ride your bike all around the city and see your friends and then make plans to go have margaritas later? Seriously, why don't I do this more often? It rocks.

The only bad part is that while I was riding my bike, I took off my sunglasses. Why was that bad? Because of the bug THAT FLEW INTO MY EYE. Seriously. It was so gross. And then I had to go into a store and pull the little nasty thing OUT of my eye. And now I look like I have pink eye.

And I'm sure my sister is reading this and thinking, "Eh, it's just a bug" but me? I'm a little flipped out. Can bugs give my eyes cooties?

Another song of the day request from Sarah- I don't even know how to explain this. But it is funny and weird and disturbing. That guy is totally working it OUT.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Probably nonsensical and boring

I've had crazy brain for the last two nights, so I haven't been sleeping. But now I'm extra super tired, but feeling like the crazy has been toned down, but things are weird. Tonight was the last night of my class. I still have a few little projects to do, 2 more weeks of student teaching, and then I'm done. And I probably won't see some of the people from my classes ever again, because none of us are going to graduation. It's been so weird the last few weeks, because my class wasn't even on campus, so I haven't been feeling like a real student anyway. But for it to be done? For real? I can't even wrap my brain around it. I'll get a diploma in the mail at some point. It's so weird. It's like before, when I couldn't picture what student teaching would look like. Now I can't picture what my real unemployment will look like. I mean, I don't have a hammock, so how else am I supposed to spend those hours?

Remember the last few weeks of undergrad? When you were drunk all the time and doing the bare minimum to pass your classes? And you were terrified of what the real world held for you? So you drank and drank and told your friends you loved them, then your parents showed up and you got drunk with them too? (And then took them to graduation mass. Hell. Yeah.)

My life right now is a juggling act, and in about a month, it'll be a vacation with no security in sight. For a girl who likes to be the boss of things, this is hard.

To lighten the mood, I remind the world of the genius of Mr. Ben Folds. This kills me every time I hear it, because if you weren't listening to the words, you'd have no idea what was happening. I'd like to dedicate this to the first graders who had to feel my wrath today. (They were asking for it.)

Tomorrow is field trip day. I'll be rocking out at the nature museum and the zoo. Pray for good weather.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

In which I become...

In which I become a huge teacher dork: We had caterpillars in my class that had turned into a chrysalis, the way they are supposed to, but then the chrysali (is that plural? I should really look that up) were manhandled by 1st graders, and we were extremely nervous that they were all dead. Yesterday, I walked into the classroom, and the tent where the chrysali lived? Chock full of butterflies. It is so awesome. The kids are flipping out.

In which I became a flight attendant: The teacher was sliding in a plate of oranges for the butterflies to eat when one got out. She yelled, "Oh my god!" and I immediately said, (I swear to god this is the exact quote) "Ladies and gentlemen, we need to STAY IN OUR SEATS and remain quiet." Then I rambled something about keeping your hands down, and I swear that if they'd had seatbelts, I would have told them to buckle up. It was hilarious.

In which I forget to eat: My job situation is getting really f'd up and weird and too long and boring to put on a blog that I want anyone to read, but to sum up: cross your fingers that I learn to be eloquent, charming, and reasonably intelligent for at least the next two weeks. And not mention getting drunk in front of a 7-year-old. (...again.)

You know what I'm saying. Send good karma and hope for news. Then remind me to eat my salad, because it just sat out for way too long and it's kinda nasty now.

In which I own up to being a full-fledged groupie: Go down to my links, and click on the one for [redacted]. This guy is usually pretty funny, but his latest post about why he doesn't believe that prostitution is the world's oldest profession just inspired me to blog even though I had nothing real to say.

In which I mention T-rel's blog: T-rel Beutler (close enough to his real name) has a blog that I added to my links because he did the same for me. He's one of my college buddies, and he once called bees assholes which cracked me up and got him in trouble with his parents. Plus, he likes this blog, so we like him. That sounds totally self-centered. But he's supposedly working to spice up his blog, so go read it, and make a lot of comments for him. I think he'd enjoy it. He also likes heckling and mockery of all kinds.

In which I give it up: I need to shower and go to sleep, hopefully in that order. Is it obvious that I have no idea what's going on a lot of the time? The days just fly, and holy shit, next time can someone TELL ME before it becomes May 20? I went to write that down, and had to ask like three different people if that was right. Yeesh.

Song of the day: Sea of Love, the Cat Power version. She reminds me that I need to learn to actually play my guitar so that it does more than hang out in my room taking up space and I can go out to beaches and seduce boys with my sexy guitar playing. Also, I must learn to sing.

PS- I may have a totally low-key, superfly easy summer job lined up. By making one phone call. Wish me luck.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

True story

How was my day today, you ask?

Well, I just got out of the shower, but when I went to dry my hair, I realized that something seemed off. Oh yeah, because I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of it.

Nighty night.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A metaphor

So THIS is what my inner child sounds like. And instead of my mommy leaving the room, it's me remembering that I have beer in the fridge that makes me stop. (Picture a smiley face with the idea light bulb and a thumbs up here.) But every time I go to grab that beer, I remember that I still have homework (HOMEWORK! SERIOUSLY!) and I made a deal with myself to not have beer until I am at least half way through. (Frowny face. See also: kid throwing himself on the floor and screaming.)

Beer exponentially increases my odds of falling asleep at inappropriate times and not finishing my homework. Stupid beer. Why do you have to ruin everything?!

(I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean it.)

Monday, May 12, 2008

My weird life

I think I pulled a hamstring playing duck duck goose today. With 4-year-olds, not even the 4th graders. It hurts.

In the last week, I've received 3 wedding invitations and one save the date card. Seriously. And I've already turned one down because it's on the same day as my sister's.

There's a mom in my class who brings coffee every day. Seriously. (One comment: What, does that woman have every dollar ever printed?) At first, I was all, "Oh, I probably won't even drink it, I try not to abuse coffee, because I don't want to need it." My sister could probably tell you how long it takes to form a habit, but I'm going to go ahead and say that it takes a week, because I had free coffee every day last week, and this morning, after a sleep deprived weekend, it was all that got me out of bed. And then she failed me today. No coffee. Not even a hello. How the hell can I be expected to function now that she has gotten me hooked? It's not even my fault! Who turns down free coffee?

I was so tired and not okay yesterday that I seriously came close to crying when I saw the rain.

I totally bombed teaching first grade math today. Apparently, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Apparently, I mildly offended Marisa with my description of my trip to MANtana in June. I should also point out that I'm planning on a blind date (seriously Maris, hook it up), learning to drive stick, learning to sail, and general beer-y goodness the kind that comes from hanging out with someone you drank with in college.

Also, Sarah, I get that you think your kid is awesome and all, but a kid who is less than 6 months old totally cannot make the decision about the llama song being cool.

Today's song is Vienna by Billy Joel. The video I'm posting is a little creepy, but this is the song that always gets stuck in my head when I overbook myself.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Just TRY messin' with me.

I dare you. No seriously, bring it.

On Wednesday, as I was starting to get to the point of exhaustion where I doubt every one of my life choices and consider homelessness as a money saving option just so that I can find time to sleep (it makes sense in my head, I swear), I get an email from Frontier Airlines telling me that they are no longer flying to Missoula, so click here to get your money back. No, "Sorry we just fucked you over and took away your vacation" or "Our bad, let us help you out." Just that they'll give me my money back, possibly in the next 6 weeks. Or longer, they don't really know. Bankruptcy takes up a lot of time, and all.

Mother fuckers trying to STEAL MY VACATION?!?!?!?! Do you KNOW how badly I need it? How everytime I'm exhausted and worn out and wondering what to do with myself I remember that I'm headed for a mountain paradise, complete with backyard hammock, fruity drinks, and a stack of trashy chick lit?

It's taken quite a bit of time, and some extra cash, but the vacay is back on. But could someone please remind me to stop babysitting on Fridays? It wears my shit out. Yesterday, I left the house at 6:40 am, and got home at 1 am. Again with having a lot I need to accomplish, but absolutely zero get up and go to do any of it. Please send adrenaline.

Also, an assistant to apply for all of the jobs that just got posted that I really want. Because I really want them.

Finally, a song of the day request from Sarah. In case you didn't know, I totally take requests. But this one? When it gets stuck in your head? Blame her. It made me laugh, but then it never ends, and that shit is just scary.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Overheard in 1st grade...

Apparently, my kids are watching "Annie" in their music class. Whatever.

But, I heard one of the kids talking about it today, and he said, "I just don't get why the drunk lady was trying to kiss Daddy Warbucks. Is it just because he's rich?"

At that point, my cooperating teacher and I pretty much hit the floor and just started rolling around. When we were finished with that, I looked at her and said, "Yeah, why DO drunk chicks try to make out with rich guys?"

Monday, May 5, 2008

Scary shit

Um guys? I'm scared of my first graders. They know a lot of shit. As in, they seriously asked me a question I didn't know the answer to this morning, and the kid was all, "How old are you anyway? Because I'm 7, and I know that." I'm sorry, but I don't know that caterpillars turn into jelly while they're in the chrysalis off the top of my head. Seriously, cut me some slack, kid! It was my first day!

Also, they could care less about me. My 4/5 year-olds wanted to be all up in my grill 24/7. These kids barely even noticed that I was there. I know I'm being a big baby, but I want to go back. This is total BS.

Also, (also wik, for the Holy Grail fans) my sister's wedding shower over the weekend was awesome. Because of plane screw ups, they ended up having to rent a car and got a convertible. I'm sunburned, but it was totally worth it to ride from Madison to Milwaukee with the top down.

I started working at the afterschool daycare thing at school today, so I'm working 12 hour days. I'm beat. This blog will most likely suffer. Just thought I should warn you.

Today's song: Come Back Down by Toad the Wet Sprocket because a) I gave them a shout out in the last post and b) because the "I'm...so damn tired" keeps running through my head. This is not actually indicative of my state of mind. It's spring! Yay!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The Russian

For lack of a better post, I have decided to share some of my poor dating experiences with the general interwebbin' public. Because at least these stories should make someone laugh. The match.com stories will come later. Today's story will be: The Russian.

I met The Russian at a bar after seeing Toad the Wet Sprocket. This was last July. Ish. (Seriously, they toured and I went, and it was a lot of fun, and everyone who knew me in high school is laughing at me right now.) Anywho, afterwards, we went to a bar called 5 Star, and there was a group of guys there- a hockey team and they were chatting us up. I was possibly intoxicated (very possibly) (very very...). So I'm chatting with him about something drunk and stupid, but really funny if I remember right, and he asks if I'd like to grab a cup of coffee sometime, so I give him my number and I saw him entering it in his phone as "Rachel - 5 Star" and my brain was all, "Yeah, I'm not going to hear from this guy." Plus, I couldn't understand what he said his name was, but I figured I wasn't going to hear from him so it didn't matter. He shook my hand, then rejoined his friends and Blaire and Tedd spent the next hour or so making kissy faces at me. Good times.

He did call me a few days later, and I met him for a cup of coffee. He was an ESL teacher in the 'burbs, and he was from the Ukraine, and spoke Russian. When I met up with him, he shook my hand. I thought it was funny, because it made him seem nervous. We grabbed some coffee, then went and sat in Millenium Park and talked. At this point, he'd said his name to me like 4 times, but I didn't really understand what he was saying. So that was weird. But after a few hours, he walked me to the train, shook my hand, and we went our separate ways. I thought he was okay. No gigantic butterflies, but he seemed nice. I thought the handshake thing was lame, though. I'm a hugger, it's cool to hug me most of the time.

He called when he said he'd call, and we had another date. He came to my 'hood, and I met him by the L and he greeted me with....another handshake! Seriously, it was so awkward. My sister thinks it was respectful, but seriously, I kept thinking that this dude didn't like me. We grabbed a bottle of wine and went to my favorite byob thai place. We ordered our food, and as he opened the wine, he said, "We're gonna have to stay here until we finish this." Then as I poured my 2nd or 3rd glass he said, "Wow, you drink a lot of wine, don't you?" Perhaps he thought I was a drunk.

Conversation at dinner was fine, but I was trying to crack jokes and mock people as I normally do, and he was not funny. He was nice enough, but he didn't make me laugh, and he asked if I mocked people a lot. Um...yeah. Afterwards, we went to a park and played on the swings, then we decided to lie down in the grass and listen to some tunes on his iPod. Sounds romantic, doesn't it? So we're there, under the stars talking, listening to music...with like 2 feet of space between us. And all I could think was that if I was with someone I liked, that it would be so nice. But I was just lying there wondering what the heck was going on, and why he was wasting his time because I wasn't getting any flirty vibes at all. So at one point, I asked him to spell his name for me so that I could figure out what the heck it was. It was weird. That's all I'll say. Sounds like a very common Russian name, but wasn't quite it.

Anyway, he was talking to me, making some plans for the next week as he walked me home, and when we got there, he tried to shake my hand again. So I went for the hug to just to see what would happen, and he seemed a little nervous about it. And he left, and didn't call, so I figured we were good.

Three weeks later, I got an awkward voicemail from him with lots of excuses for not calling while I was on vacation in Michigan. I deleted it, then deleted his number. Also possibly when drunk, but eh.

Then, back in January, I was on the L on my way home from the airport- I'd been in MN meeting baby Natalie. The train pulls up to a stop and out of the corner of my eye, I see a guy on the platform who sort of looks like The Russian, and I think, "Oh man, how weird would that be?"

I think you know what happens next.

So the train doors open, and I'm sitting by one set and this guy gets on at the other side then comes all the way across the train to sit pretty much right next to me. I happen to look up (because I wasn't actually thinking it was him at that moment in time) and make direct eye contact and know right then that this IS, in fact, The Russian, and we just looked straight at each other. And I'm pretty sure I didn't keep a straight face. My thought process then goes a lot like this: HOLY CRAP. Does he recognize me? He totally does, should I say something? Ok, just keep your head turned to the right and keep reading that advertisement. So, Northwestern hospital is looking for volunteers for a study, nope, don't qualify, STOP LOOKING AT ME! SHIT, should I say something? What do I say? "Sorry, just wasn't that into you"? He'll probably just shake my stupid hand again. Seriously, what was UP with that? What are the odds I'm not making crazy faces right now? I wish I hadn't just gotten off of a plane where I was sleeping because I bet I look 10 kinds of busted right now, and in these situations, I'd rather look smokin' hot. What are the f'n odds of him being on THIS car of THIS train? I hope he gets off before I do, and not at the same stop because I will just have to HAUL ASS to get out of here. Doo doo de doo, MAN is this train moving slower than normal? Hey, I think I see him getting up, how do I not look, OOOOOOh, looky here at my fingernail. Yesiree bob, that is a long fingernail, I can totally feel you looking at me just GET OFF THE TRAIN!!!!! Ok, bye, hope that was just a coincidence and maybe you didn't recognize me. But I'm pretty sure he did.

That's my story. That was the only date I've had in the last year. Exciting, isn't it? :) Hope it was long enough for those of you reading this on company time to really burn through some Friday hours.

Today's song is one I've been listening to a lot lately, and it's making me wish that I at least had a crush. It's The Nicest Thing by Kate Nash. Let's hope I have some good dating stories soon.

Oh, and PS- my new dream job is picking songs for iPod commercials, just because they're always good. I figure I could spend my nights listening to music and working like 6 times a year.