I'm A BIT DRUNK and for a second I couldn't turn off the caps. Funny, right?
But blog readers, get THIS: I was totally just hit on by the biggest douche EVER. I'm all out eatin' dinner with Shaynea, and then we decide that a few bottles of wine are a good idea in public, and then these dudes pull their table up to ours with some phenomenal guac, and I'm nothing if not a sucker for guac, and then the next thing I know, dude sitting next to me is all, "I think you're awesome* but can I be honest with you? I totally want to take you home tonight, but my gf is having my baby in 3 weeks and then I'm going to have a baby boy."
And I'm all scooting 10 feet away and saying, "I think it sounds like you have a lot on your plate" and trying to escape and he's all, "But I'm super attracted to you**!" and I'm like, "Dude, I think you have issues."
For real universe? This is what you're giving me? Are you trying to turn me into a cat lady?
SOTD: Baby Mama by Three 6 Mafia. For reals, WTF?!??!?!?! Universe, I just don't understand waht you're trying to tell me.
*I swear I'm not conceited, this is what he said to stroke my ego, I did nothing to provoke it.
** At this point, his flattery (while GREAT for the ego) was super creepy and I was running away and siccing him on Shaynea who was a phenomenal wingwoman.
And I may or may not delete this later, but I could not f'n believe this evening. Gross.
UPDATE: I just came back to this, considering deleting it, but you know what? I'm a funny rambly drunk, and everything you see here is true so whatever. I mean, it's morning now and I mostly feel sorry for this guy who is obviously a mess, but that will not stop the mockery!
My kids were 100% batshit insane today. I could not wait to come home, and I've already over-consumed on the Nutella in dealing with it. (Healthy, right? Help me ignore the bottle of wine in the fridge. Geez, stop talking about it, that is SO not helping!)
...um, what was I saying?
OH YEAH! The highlight of today, was that I am totally leaving my mark on these kids and how they deal with people. How do I know? See the following conversation.
Me: Ok, Mr. O, you can get up from your nap now and we'll head outside for recess.
Kid: But, I don't even LIKE recess.
Me: What?! Are you kidding me?!
Kid: HA! I tricked you! I can't believe you fell for that! You're so silly.
I have passed on sarcasm and mockery, and it only took 3 months. I am the Best. Teacher. Ever.
SOTD: Don't You Evah by Spoon. First, I like that they spell it "evah". It's fabulous. Also, I like that it starts with an argument with their producer because he can't work the machine. (You have to listen really closely to understand them.) Finally, because I said something along those lines more times today than I care to count. "We do not EVER throw toys in school...etc, etc, etc."
You know how in college you had to call your mom every Sunday night to check in? That's what I feel like I'm doing in this blog post. It might be dull, but just some stuff on my mind.
First things first, I finally feel better! It's been a looooooong road with a lot of sniffling and misery, and you get to the point where you don't even realize how bad you felt until you realize how much better you feel.
It's snowing, and I was out walking around running errands and it didn't piss me off. It was actually really pretty. But that's IT. Don't make me regret telling you that, sky!
I'm debating going on another match break, because as fun as the last week has been, it's been disappointing and it starts to get harder to bounce back. We'll see.
I have to get through this week, and then I have the ENTIRE WEEK of Thanksgiving off. I haven't had a day off where I wasn't sick or at a funeral since Labor Day, and while I realize that's probably true of most corporate gigs, this is WAY harder. I'd heard that rumor, but I was never sure if I believed it for real, but believe me- I do now.
The Barnes and Noble closest to my house is closing, and that is going to make my life harder BUT I just made out like a bandit on Thank you notes and Christmas cards. I may even send them out before February this year, how awesome would that be?
I never did say much about the election, but I don't think it's a secret that I'm pretty psyched. And as much as I got a little sick of it, and I was ready for it to be over, I think I'm suffering from a little bit of withdrawal. I'm in the middle of a really long but FASCINATING (and week old) Newsweek article about all of the big players in the whole campaign. I highly recommend it.
Today is Sarah's 30th birthday. I didn't get to go celebrate with her because airlines are mean and make plane tickets too expensive. And I've been basically phoning in everything in my life, so she's not getting a card yet, but she will get a SOTD!
SOTD: Gloria by Laura Branigan. We used to lay on the floor of our dorm rooms freshman year in MN and sing this song at the top of our lungs. Our neighbors LOVED that. But even though we only lived in the same place for 9 months of our lives, she is still one of the people in this world who I can call anytime I want and know that she knows me. She will call me out when I'm being ridiculous, she will make me laugh when I'm sad, and she will always laugh at me in the good way. She's amazing, and I hope she's enjoying her big b-day. I used to call her The Bitch, but she's totally mellowed out in the last few years, so I just want to say: Sarah, don't forget: You don't have to answer! Leave 'em hanging on the line!
No. Just no. And the worst part is that in the back of my mind? I knew better. But it was all so good for my ego and I thought it was so funny. That guy is so never going to hear from me again. Which probably makes him sad, but oh well.
I referenced shenanigans in the last post, and now I'm thinking it's funny enough to talk about now that I'm this far in:
I'm going on 3 first dates within a one week period. I'm two dates in, and...eh. Meh. Whatever. The first one was good, and I think I'll go out with him again, just to see. We talked yesterday, but he was totally on to the fact that I was still sick, so I don't know if he's questioning it or what. I may or may not have been less than charming and totally full of snot when I met that guy, who we will call E, because I don't have anything nickname-worthy on him, and that is his intial.
Remember that I'm the girl who can go like 3 years at a time without a date, so this is ridiculous for me. It's 100% because I stopped caring what any of these match dudes think of me, and now they are all up in my bidness.
The second date...I was calling him DP all day as in "Douchebag Potential".
I guess he's not a douche. I think he's shy, but not that interesting. But he was like, "That was a good time, and I'll see you again soon" at the end of it, so we'll see. But I could care less. So, that means I'll probably hear from him and go out again even if my inner monologue is all, "Probably not a great idea."
Tomorrow I'm meeting an Asian Dr., which is hilarious if you know Asian stereotypes. As my lovely friend Jean said, "My parents will be so jealous!" He went ahead and bumped up drinks to dinner, so he's obviously totally in to me.
I can't think of any songs about serial dating, except this one. And when it's stuck in your head, I sincerely apologize, and I am accepting better suggestions in the comments section. Do what you need to.
Mambo #5- Lou Bega. If only I could actually name these people online, but that is SOOOO wrong at this stage of the game. So it's the best I could come up with. Wish me luck tomorrow!
Also, there is a Gilmore Girls clip about being a casual dater out there that I wish I wasn't too lazy to find, because it's been running through my head for days.
PS- tonight totally counts at #9. I would not have normally gone out with this guy, but it's called keeping an open mind...leaving no stone unturned, etc. etc.
Ashley was thinking about giving me crap for not posting much (like she's so great about it), but I've been busy with the sickness or funerals.
I stayed home from work again today. I think my body was just like, "Look, you're exhausted and you're not going to get any better if you don't sleep..." so it made sleeping all day today a non-negotiable issue.
But let me just say this: Saying goodbye to my grandpa was very hard, but very beautiful. I almost put on makeup the morning of the funeral- something I rarely do- but then I looked in the mirror and thought, "Really, you big cry baby? You think you're going to make it?" And that was a wise decision. Buying stock in Kleenex last week would have been a wise move. I'm actually surprised that I didn't hear financial analysts talking about it.
SOTD is sappy today.
Leader of the Band by Dan Fogelberg. My cousin Shaughn reworked the lyrics of this song as a tribute at the funeral, and I'm pretty sure there was not a dry eye in the house when he finished. I was sitting right in front of him, and I have no idea how he made it through. But looking around the church that day, I couldn't think of a more fitting tribute than a song that says that we are nothing but his living legacy. Sheer numbers alone would be impressive (11 kids, 35 grandkids, 19 great-grandkids but that will probably shoot up to 20 by the end of this week), but everyone within that group is also amazing. Well done, Grandpa. Well done.
I'll try to get back to smart-assery and shenanigans soon. This weekend is showing some promise on that end.
I'm sick. And I've been sick since Tuesday, when I slept through history being made. More on that when I can create coherent thoughts without the interference of snot in my brain. Being sick sucks ass.
Really, this is a plea: I've been home all day, and there are no cookies in my house. Please send cookies.
That is all.
SOTD: I don't even care. Find something fun for yourself. I'm sick and cranky because there are no cookies.
My grandpa passed away today. And that makes me sad for me, and for his kids (like my dad) who are having to deal with that loss. But really, all I can think about is how much he has told everyone that he just wanted to go be with my grandma. And I don't know how long it takes to get past that whole St. Peter/gates of heaven thing? But I've got to believe that they are hanging out right now and they are thrilled to see each other. My grandma's had her hands full being guardian angel to all of their kids and grandkids and great-grandkids, and I bet she's glad to have a hand with all of that.
I had a dream last week that I was at their house, and I saw her wandering around and I knew that it was a ghost, so I asked her why she was there. She told me that she was just checking up on everyone, and that I was just fine. Now, I'm thinking she was just coming to get grandpa. But obviously, you can't go around telling kids that, even in their dreams. That's creepy.
Anyway, I hope this doesn't come off as callous, or like I don't care. That is not the case. But it is the way I am choosing to see it.