Drunk chicks

Remember how I was all sad because I gave up all of my classic drunken texts? And I asked you guys to help me out?

Well, let me tell you something- you have been USELESS as far as that is concerned. Seriously, it's like you all got old and stopped being ridiculous. So being the leader that I am, on Friday, I took matters into my own hands and tried a new Mexican place with Skylar because we heard that the margaritas were phenomenal.

They are. After 2 of them, it was approximately 8:30 and we were bombed but it was OBVIOUSLY too early to go home so we left and went to another bar. Since I was helping Tim celebrate his birthday, I was texting him all night to let him know how the Chicago celebration was going, and good news! My new phone has a sent folder for text messages so that I can look back and see exactly how much of an asshole I really am.

We were at the 2nd bar, having a few beers (duh) and we started talking to some Canadian dudes who were sitting behind us. I was arguing for way too long about whether the word sombrero means hat in Spanish, and we went so far as to ask the busboy to help us settle the bet. (I won, but seriously? Racist! Who actually drags the busboy into the discussion?) Then we went inside- something about noise laws, and Skylar went to pee. At one point Canadian #1 was all, "Um, do you think you should check on your friend?" And I'm like, "Nah, she's good. I'm not worried about her at all, I'm sure she's fine." About 30 seconds later our waitress comes over and says, "Hey, your friend is stumbling around in the bathroom you should probably check on her." So I crack up and head down, and yeah....she is in bad shape. So I hold her hair for a minute, then put some paper towels on her face and go back upstairs to pay our tab. But I insisted on finishing my beer first. (Again, who DOES that?) So then I dragged Sky home and dropped her in my bed with some water, and slept on the couch. That's sort of weird, normally I'd just crawl in with her, but my spidey senses must have been tingling because in the morning she came out with all of my sheets in her arms and said, "Me and your sheets are going to take a little shower." Because she puked. In my bed.

She felt horrible, but I couldn't stop laughing. The poor kid was sick for most of the day yesterday.

I had a text from Tim when I woke up that said, "I just forwarded that to your sister." and I thought, "Oh shit, what was the last thing I sent?" It was:

"Give in to the roofies. You'll like it, I promise. Sky is passed out in my bed."

Seriously, it sounds like I'm simultaneously trying to molest Tim AND that I already did violate Skylar. Ew. What is wrong with me? In my defense, I was not the one who mentioned roofies first, but come ON.

So yeah...I'm off the sauce for at least the next few days. How were your weekends?

Song of the day: The Garden by Mirah. I'm obsessed with this song...after seeing it on So You Think You Can Dance with my roommate. But that doesn't mean it's not an awesome song. Just that it's sad that I now get my hip music choices from an obnoxious reality show.

Still HOT

It's still hot. I'm over it.

Today is Timmy's birthday, and I have a long thing half written in honor of that, but I'm not sure if he's gotten his gift yet, and I'm not going to go ruining it here. As soon as I know, you guys will laugh.

Mostly, I just wanted to post the song of the day.

HOT HOT HOT by Buster Poindexter. (I'm hot! You're hot!)

Oh, and to say that the movie Blaire and I saw yesterday was Mamma Mia, and we sang ABBA songs the entire ride to the lake. It was hilarious.

Good day

I woke up today feeling restless and shut-in. I've been pretty good at keeping myself busy, but it was supposed to hit the 90's AGAIN today and every day in the foreseeable future and I just couldn't take it anymore.

So I went to my favorite produce joint (seriously, raspberries for 89 cents!) (Have I mentioned it's been a little slow around here?), then came home, played a little gee-tar...and then called Blaire because I was bored and I wanted to convince her to ditch work to play with me. And it worked! Except that as we both dashed out to make a movie, it started pouring rain, which was not so nice. Then we headed over to the lake and dunked our feet, then took a long bike ride, and now I'm home. I'm babysitting four separate times in the next two days. At least I'll have money! And I can even go play with Skylar tomorrow night. Cross your fingers for cute boys.

If anyone you know has a b-day coming up, I must recommend buying them Douche Cards. If for no other reason than people who produce such things should be rewarded as far as I'm concerned.

I hope you all had good days like mine, and that tomorrow and your weekend continue to be stellar.

XOXO, Rachel

Song of the day: Today by the Smashing Pumpkins. I remember wishing I could ride around all day in an ice cream truck with Billy Corgan. (Jay, I hope you dig it, too.)

PANTS!!!

Ladies and gentleman! Big news over here!

I have made pants!!! Yep, it's true. You see those bad boys being modeled by my fabulous self? I made them with my own two hands. They are pajama pants that I made in my sewing class. At one point, I was terrified that they were going to look like clown pants, but I totally dig them and I can't wait for it to be cold so that I can sleep in them. And one more thing I can cross off my list. Next up? I'm going to make a quilt out of all of my old t-shirts that I can't bear to throw away, but that I have no other use for. I'll post pics when I finish it. We'll see when that happens. I'm checking things off the list, kids. It feels good.

In other news, after the earthquake yesterday, I was immediately concerned for my friend Jean who lives in LA. But less than an hour later, I got this email which made me laugh so hard that it must be shared.

Yep, I'm okay. I was sitting at my desk when I felt the earthquake. At first I was like, omg, what fat person is running on our roof? But then it kept shaking for like 10 seconds, and I could hear the glasses rattling in our cabinet. But nothing fell or was damaged and everything seems fine. All in all, did not feel that strong, thank goodness.

Sure, a fat guy on the roof. That's a perfectly reasonable assumption. Jean, thanks for the laugh!

Also, happy birthday to Kristin! Because I haven't mailed her card yet, so I'm cutting corners using the blog.

I did not do any flirting with my guitar teacher (GT is his new blog name) last night, because me and Mr. Guitar were not getting along yesterday. But GT did laugh at my jokes about wanting to go all rock star and smash the crap out of it, so we'll see. I do need to pick a new song to learn though. Please send suggestions. Don't pick any hard crap.

My song of the day is Wildflowers by Tom Petty. It's in the running for the next song I'm going to learn, plus it's so pretty. PS- maybe only listen to the song without watching the video because it's a little depressing.

Blah blah blah

I had a lot of funny blog post ideas the other day, and I can't seem to remember any of them currently. Blah.

I went to another wedding this weekend. (I go to more weddings than anyone should ever have to). It was my first husband. Wait, I didn't mention my fake marriage? Yeah, he was one of my high school buddies and it was this really long running, very detailed inside joke of ours. We got divorced on Friday so that he could get married on Saturday, just shy of our 12 year anniversary. I don't think anyone thought it was as funny as we did, but I made him fake divorce papers as part of his gift and it totally cracked me up. The other funny thing was at some point, the pastor referred to him as "Godly" and I almost laughed out loud. I think I deserve some sort of medal for keeping that one down, though.

This is dull. I'm sleep deprived (my own doing) and lacking interesting things to say. I'll try again later.

Until then, go ahead and get this song stuck in your head because I always do and it makes me laugh. Just so you know? A Kiss is Not a Contract. (But it's very nice. Also, they call it a fly because it takes you up to heaven.)

P.S.

Remember when I was all pissed off at Feist and her inability to count?

Someone else agrees with me. And that someone is making her do a little community service, I say. YOU MUST UNDO SOME OF THE DAMAGE YOU HAVE DONE.

That's all.

Silly sentiments are all I have

(Sarah G, name that song.)

I got a new phone last week. This has been coming for a long time, the old one was like 4 years old, and only held a charge for like 6 hours, so it was pretty useless. But getting the new phone meant that I had to give up all of the texts and pictures that I'd kept on there. Among what I'll miss?

• Timmy's text telling me that he was about to propose to my sister.
• A series of drunk texts from my sister that said, "Ass" "You are NOT nice" and then "Lordisis"
• A message from my roommate when I was having a bad night that said, "You are better than ALL of that."
• My sister asking me if I'd taken her no hangover gene, because she seemed to have lost it.
• My li'l bro telling me that I smelled bad.
• A picture of Kristin sitting on a Spiderman ride at an outlet mall.
• Tedd asking me if I wanted to have a Threesome. (Also drunk)

So what I'm saying here people, is that you need to get drunk and tell me funny things. My phone is boring. Do your part to give back to society! Or at least entertain me.