Wednesday, February 13, 2008

This is a better story/Dating tips

About a month ago, I'm walking downtown, and it's cold, and kind of a long walk, and I'm cranky about being out of bed in general, so I'm all bundled up, head down just hoping that the day goes by quickly, when I hear someone yelling at me asking me to stop. I usually don't turn around, (I'm friendly that way) but I was thinking I may have dropped a mitten or something.

This black man in his 40's comes running up to me (from half a block away- that's important. I'm pretty sure at this point that he hadn't even seen my face) and says, "Miss, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just saw you back there and I think you are really beautiful and I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime." I just smiled politely, and told him that I have a boyfriend, but thank you. He helpfully tells me that if we're not talking about marriage then it's not serious, and I could still go out with him, but I don't think so. Then he says, "I mean, you have a beautiful face, but that ASS, I know that black men love big butts right? Does your boyfriend appreciate it? Does he get all up in there? He never tells you to lose weight does he? Because you should never let that thing get any smaller." Then he basically follows me for the next THREE BLOCKS saying stuff about how big and squishy my butt looks. "That thing is HUGE. It's juicy."

I realize he meant it as a compliment, but I have never been more self-conscious about the size of my butt. A note to all the men out there: If you ever want to see my ass naked, never spend any time at all telling me how big it is. It only makes me want to kick you. Also, please never say "Get all up in there" when I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU. It's creepy.

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