Figure Skating

I am officially back on match. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on it, but it is what it is...

So anyway, here is an old match story to keep you entertained.

I met a dude who's name I don't even remember. We'll call him...Bob. (Because if I tell you the nickname I had for him, it ruins some of the punchline.) So, we did the traditional email exchange, decide to meet up thing. We were supposed to grab a drink on a Saturday night, but right as I had started getting ready, he called me to back out. Because he was horribly hungover. He was like, "I'm really sorry, but I really don't want you to see me like this and have it be your first impression... not that this is a great one." Now, we've all had our nights out that get out of hand and then woken up hating ourselves, so while I'm irritated, I still kind of get it, so I let it slide and we reschedule for the next week. I go, and we have a drink or two and the conversation is decent, and we plan on getting together again.

That night, he calls me AGAIN to bail. Because it was snowing. Lame. So I write him off because at that point, it's very "Fool me once..." You know.

Then, like 2 weeks later, I get an email from this dude that says, "Hey, want to come over tonight to watch figure skating with me?" And ok, it is the Olympics and all, but seriously? Being the mature type that I am, I immediately forward the email to my sister and we spend the rest of the day making, "Know how I know you're gay?" jokes. At as we're spinning tales of me showing up to find him in a sequined figure skating outfit, I decide I need to go to figure out what's up with this dude.

(Yeah, like this.)

I go, and he is just waking up from a nap, and he's wearing wind pants and an old t-shirt and hat. So we watched figure skating, drank some wine, and then I left. It was laaaaaaame.

I never heard from him again, and that was cool.

I told this story recently to a dude, and he was like, "How did you not see the ploy to hook up in that?" Apparently I'm that dumb.

And that is one of my stories. There are a few more, but that's one of my favorites.

Song of the day: Here It Goes Again by OK Go. Because here it goes again. Hope for more good dudes, a little less crazy.

New love

This is not a match story.

I made a new friend (that's what I call my students) at school today who apparently was only coming to see me to today and today only and it makes me sad because I LOVE him and I want to keep him. In the way where I want him to hang out in my classroom in the afternoon hours every day.

Why do I love him? Well, let me retell a little conversation we had today.

Boy: Miss Rachel, would you like to hear a hilarious joke?*

Me: My friend, I love hilarious jokes.

Boy: Why did the apple cross the pie?

Me: I don't know, why?

Boy: Because he wants to hit someone in the face with a pie.

SEE? SEE HOW AWESOME THIS KID IS?

SOTD: Upside Down by Jack Johnson. Because this song has always made me think of small children because I think it's a reasonable approximation of how they see the world. Seriously. Plus, my new friend told me it's his favorite song.

*Seriously, how many 4-year-olds would actually say "hilarious joke"? He's awesome.

Also, I don't play favorites at all in the classroom, but he just really made my afternoon. For real.

Political BS

Ok, look: I'm not here to tell anyone how to run their lives. But I watch the news, and I consider myself to be a reasonably informed citizen. But seriously? If you can watch this clip of Sarah Palin and tell me that you think she should be totally fine running our country, I want to hear it. Seriously. This woman scares the shit out of me.

Oh, but my new tag line on my new and improved match profile? "I can see Russia from my house!" That'll be made public in the next few days. Cross your fingers and wish me luck! I'll post some of those stories from the other time I did match in the coming weeks.

Also, I just discovered hulu.com, and you can watch FULL EPISODES of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report when you still don't have cable at your house. And that my friends? That makes me unbelievably happy. Go check it out. Watch the Daily Show with Clinton on it. I swear to god, it's fascinating.

And AND...um, there was an accident in my classroom at school today, and every time I think about it, I can't escape the feeling that I have urine on me. Even though I washed my hands a billion times AND showered AND changed my clothes. I also discovered green paint on my knee at the end of the day, and I don't have a clue which little bugger did it. Or when...or how really because I wasn't sitting right next to them while they were painting. Teaching preschool is crazy, you guys.

SOTD: Witchy Woman - The Eagles. Peace out, Alaska.

How I almost choked and died

At dinner with Shaynea earlier this evening:

Me: Dude, what is up with the black eye?

Shaynea: Oh don't worry, it was a softball thing. Apparently, I'm really good at taking balls to the face.

SOTD: Um...I don't even remember the exact name of this song or who sings it (college gets hazy, not my fault) but I love the fact that I could type "Baller" into you tube and come up with exactly what I wanted. Also, when this first popped up, I was skeptical, and then I started watching these jackasses and it made me laugh and made me really glad that You Tube didn't exist when I was in high school. I think the best part is the barn in the background. Yeah, these dudes are OBVIOUSLY ballers.

Three weeks

Ok, so whoever had 3 weeks in the "How long will it take for Rachel's kids to make her sick?" pool is the winner!

You can claim your prize if you're willing to drag your ass to my couch, because I ain't movin'. I feel like ass. But if you bring soup, I'll do my best to not pass on germs. Drugs are also accepted.

I know exactly which kid gave it to me, too. Little bitch.

Song of the day is probably a repeat, but it's The Sickness by Disturbed. Obviously.

Bonus song- their cover of Land of Confusion, because I like it. Really angry disturbed people covering Phil Collins? I'd like two, please. If Tool covered Against All Odds, I would totally be all over that.

PS- if you watch the Emmys tonight, watch out for my friend Jean with all of the 30 Rock kids. She's awesome.

Scenes from a school....

A few cute stories to give you an idea of what my days are like...

One little guy was running sort of sideways across the playground today and looking behind him, so I asked him what he was doing. "Watching my shadow! It follows me the WHOLE TIME!"

A little girl builds a huge lego tower and puts a lego cat at the top.

"Look! I put a kitty on top of the tower!"

"Uh oh, is the kitty going to get scared up there?"

"No, she went up there to shake her booty."

While coloring a picture...

"Eureka!"

"Um, what are you drawing over there?"

"My new vacuum! It's name is Eureka!"

About going to college....

"I don't want to go to college, I want to go to KINDERGARTEN."

"Oh. Well what will you do to get a good job?"

"I don't need a job. The tooth fairy gave me a dollar the other day."

And finally, to clear up the mysteries of that last post,

"Miss Rachel, did you know that the Cubbies had a no-hitter last night? I think that's really good."

"I think you might be right."

And I know Lackey was extra psyched about me knowing that, since he's the one who had to teach me what that was back in my sports workin' days.

Song of the day: Closer by Nine Inch Nails. I used to hate this song, and then like 7 years after it came out, it totally grew on me. Then earlier today, my roommate was giving me a massage, and I'm sick of kid's music and new age-y stuff that we listen to while they "rest", so I just went to my iTunes and picked Nina Simone thinking something mellow and jazzy would be cool. Then it ended and immediately went into this song, and the two of us burst out laughing. It's so bizarre to listen to in that context.

For the Lackeys...

So, I had a song of the day request from Jay the other day, and I was trying to figure out how to incorporate it into a post. And then, fate intervened in the form of Carlos Zambrano's pitching. Here's the thing- now that I no longer work in sports and I don't have to deal with them non-stop, the Cubs don't annoy me nearly as much anymore. It's a little bit of a traffic issue, but otherwise it's fine. So Lackeys, this is for you-

Song of the day: Whoomp! There It Is! In honor of the no hitter yesterday. Good look not getting it stuck in your head.

My Rockin' Weekend

Oh man you guys- I had the CRAZIEST weekend. Ever.

Friday, I left work by 4:30 (the first time all week I wasn't close to hitting 6pm, even though I was showing up at 7:15 all week. Did I mention that already? I was crazy tired.) Then I came home and tried to take a nap.

Are you feeling it yet? How crazy my weekend was?

Then I went over to my friend Beth's place where we ordered food, had some wine, then I discovered Guitar Hero on the Wii. Now, I have never been good at video games. My sophomore year of college, I went home for winter break tired of being constantly defeated at Mario Kart and I played every day while I was home in an attempt to finally get good at it. It NEVER HAPPENED. I still suck at that game. But Guitar Hero? HELL. YEAH. That game is so awesome, and I was totally killing it by the end. I only got booed off stage once and it was crazy addictive and OH MY GOD, I totally want a Wii.

So I'm going to need some moral support- I do not have the money or the time to invest in something like this. If you hear me saying things like, "Maybe I should just see how much they cost," or "But if I buy the Fit, I won't have to go to the gym..." JUST SAY NO. The last thing in the world that I need to do is invite video games into my world. So please, just stop me before the madness begins.

Wait, it gets crazier.

Yesterday it rained so much the Tribune website actually said, "Rainiest. Day. Ever." When did they begin to write like bloggers? I went out to run errands for like an hour and came home drenched and cranky, so the second part of my rockin' weekend was me falling asleep on my couch at 9:30 on a Saturday night. I'd wanted to watch SNL, and I missed it. Do I know how to party or what?

Today is more rain, supposedly the remnants of Ike. I was whining about it in my head a LOT because it means I can't ride my bike, (and I LOVE my bike) but then I remembered that none of my property was actually destroyed and that the people I love are still safe so I decided to quit it. I'm trying to grow here, people. Despite the internal whiny-ness, I had a ridiculously productive day so I'm feeling quite good about my bad self. Oh man, and tomorrow? Tomorrow is my first payday. Hells yeah. The first thing I'm going to buy? Brand name groceries. Watch out! Kraft macaroni and cheese all the way.

I hope that the content of this post wasn't too much for the faint of heart who read it, and man, I hope your weekends weren't so CRAZY, yo.

And seriously, don't let me buy a Wii. Kristin and Jean, I'm looking directly at you.

Song of the day: Today Was a Good Day by Ice Cube. This goes out to my friend Laura who met Ice Cube at a party and he totally asked for (and got) her digits.

Also, if you've got some time, you should totally watch Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin. I laughed my ass off.

Chin Up, Cheer Up

Timmy told me that my last blog sounded sad...and it wasn't supposed to be. And I also took out the line about how watching the kids crash into a wall is scary, but also really funny. One of them looks like a chicken and he's flapping his wings.

I'm not sad.

I'm still building up my endurance so I'm tired as shit, but I decided that I needed up update the ol' blog. So here are some funny things from the last few days:

After finishing singing a few rounds of oh..the hokey pokey, the abc's, simple songs like that, I asked for requests. I got "Slow Ride!" and "Sweet Child o' Mine!"

I want to make a sign for my room that says, "We have gone xx days without an accident!" But I've been told parents won't think it's funny.

I saw GT last night, and the crush is just gone. Oh well. NEXT!

You know how when you're starving and you go grocery shopping you come home with a bunch of random crap that you can't really turn into a meal? Going when you're tired gets the same result. I have no idea what I cam home with. But I've been totally surviving on Goldfish that I steal from school since Monday, so it's probably an improvement on that.

This is not that funny. I'll do my best to come up with funnier content, just be patient with me.

Song of the day: Chin Up, Cheer Up by Ryan Adams.

Weird trend

When times get crazy, I tend to want to pick up books that require very little thinking on my part and just go hang out in someone else's world. I borrowed a couple of chick lit books from a friend the other day that were unbelievably sub-par. As in, I knew what was going to happen about 3 pages in and it made me angry, but I still stuck with it because it distracted me from getting worried about anything else I have going on.

But here's the weird thing: They were both about teachers who were hitting their 30th birthdays and burned out on other people's weddings. Um, does this mean I'm not the only one, or that I'm some weird sad stereotype? Because to be honest, neither really sits all that well with me. But also, they were both way bigger whiners than I am and if I was ever that bad, I hope someone would smack me around a little. (One of them wouldn't even congratulate her sister when the sister got herself knocked up. Lame.) (Does this qualify as whining? OH NO! Maybe I am that bad! Shit!)

It's been raining all day and it's making me sleepy and you know you're tired when you think about crying on the bus and you're not sure why. I walked in the door this evening, and I was all, Well hello there, couch! So good to see you. Blankets, care to get in on this action? Let's all spend a little quality time together here.

Song of the day: Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head- by BJ Thomas. I hope it's not raining tomorrow- the kids aren't the only one who could use a little recess time. I took them to run laps on our indoor track, but a few of them are lagging on their gross motor skills so they can't do things like run in a straight line and I was convinced that one of them was going to crash into the wall. It was terrifying.

Day two

Without explaining too much, I don't have all of the same kids every day in my classroom. It's all over the place. Today, I met two new friends that I don't have to see again until Friday. Thank god.

Then I met a little guy who is supposed to come tomorrow, and when I asked him about it he said, "I don't know if I'm coming. I'll have to ask my mom if I can come over." I almost fell over laughing.

On my shit list today: Weather people. If you tell me that it's going to rain so I don't ride my bike, it better rain. I put in a 10 hour day, do you really think I have a run in me? So now I've had no exercise. Bastards.

Song of the day: Days Go By by Dirty Vegas. Because the days are going so fast.

First Day

Oh man you guys! My first day was so awesome! My kids are great, there was only one kid who was weepy, and she totally got it under control as soon as I busted out the play dough, so we were golden. I have a few kinks to work out, but I'll face that every year. But seriously, this was way easier than my student teaching.

And I came home feeling like hot shit, because I was like, "I'm not even tired! This rules!"

But then I sat down. And now I'm reminding myself that going to bed before 9 is not an option. Whatevs.

Also, over the weekend, I saw Tropic Thunder. GO SEE THIS MOVIE. I couldn't stop laughing any time Robert Downey Jr. was on screen. He killed it. The Tom Cruise cameo is a total waste of space, but there are a lot of other little things that had me nearly falling out of my seat. And don't be late, because the first five minutes are GOLD.

Song of the day: Low by Flo Rida. Because it's been stuck in my head all day. It has nothing to do with anything else. But I'm giving you the South Park version because it's way funnier.