Monday, March 17, 2008

Mockery makes it better

If you know me, you know that if I can mock something, then I feel better, because it shows off my obvious superiority.

Therefore, I must mock my weekend. Because it caused a massive, massive meltdown that just now in the last 10 mins. became okay.

I went to a job fair on Saturday morning. So Saturday morning, when every other person in Chicago was wearing green and drinking in the morning, I had on a suit and heels and I was trying to act like a professional. And I had to pretend like I was happy about it.

Then I got there, and this crack whore* told me that she wouldn't hire me as a teacher, never mind my master's degree, because I have no experience. Whatever, I don't want to work for her stupid company anyway.**

Then I met this cute little nun who definitely wants to hire me, but when I found out what Catholic schools pay, I realized that sure, yeah, I'd get in good with God and all- he may even let some stuff slide like the meat on Friday thing, but God Favors don't pay my bills.*** So sorry Jesus, but I won't be teaching kiddies your story because I am just too damn greedy and I like pretty things. Plus, you just made a whole bunch of new rules, and wasn't there something about poverty in there? Practice what you preach, dude.

To sum up: Job fairs are dumb, and I'm still going to hell. How were your weekends?

*Calling her a crack whore was what made me feel a lot better. I'm sure she's actually a very nice person.
**Obviously, because she's a crack whore. Duh.
***I made up the term God Favors for the purpose of this post, but I'm pretty sure that's how the church made all of it's money in the dark ages. Or something. I'm really good at history.

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