Monday, March 24, 2008

Reasons Why

I have a long post coming about my weekend in CO, pending the arrival of some pics. I am pretty lazy, so I let everyone else do the picture taking, and gave a lot of reminders to "send me a copy of that! Like tomorrow if you have time!"

But because I did accomplish a few things on this list over the weekend, and decided that I just might cross one of them off, I spent my time on the plane coming home pondering what the purpose was of creating this list. (I've probably already talked about this, but I'm too lazy to go check.) Most of the things on the list are either a) things I'm afraid of or b) things I need to just get off of my ass and just DO already. So it's a good way to challenge myself. I may continue this idea in future years, but probably with a lot less stuff. 30 things is a LOT. But this year is going to be a year of HUGE changes for me, so I figured I might as well make myself push on through, and keep it interesting along the way.

The other thing that I figured out was that it is okay to be afraid of these things. It is also okay to try them and decide that I don't like them. No, really. Trying new things is the only way to find out if you actually like it, or if you were right all of those years that you left it well enough alone. Want an example? Oh good, because I totally have one.

A few years ago, before going to Thailand, I decided that I wanted to get scuba certified so that I could dive while we were there. Sounds like a good idea, right? Going into the ocean, seeing pretty fish, blah blah blah. I signed up for the classes, and did all of the reading, and I was so ready to get in the pool. But a funny thing happened. (Maybe not "ha ha" funny...) I got underwater, and I was completely terrified. They tell you to breathe deep, but when you're hyperventilating, that is pretty much impossible. I was thrown, because I've always been fine in the water- Mom made me take swimming lessons so that she never had to worry about taking us to the lake or a pool and we could all have a good time. (She grew up in Hawaii, she knows a thing or two about swimming herself.)

Anyway, I kept pushing myself to go to the classes and to do what they were telling me to do. It usually took me a little while, but I'd usually get there. I could kneel underwater, and I got through "losing" my mask and using someone else's spare regulator. (I'm blanking on terminology, so that may not be the right word, but again...lazy.) But as I got out of the pool, I realized that I absolutely hated it. Sure, I got through it, but I was still feeling 100% panicked the whole time. I was only doing what I had to do so that they would let me get out of the pool. Seriously, after every task, I was silently begging them to let me surface. This is not fun.

So I quit. And I was ashamed. And scared to tell my sister, for fear that she would be disappointed in me. Or think I'm a wuss, which is way worse. But she totally understood, and didn't question it when I told her I couldn't do it. And I finally connected the dots within my brain to tell myself that it was OKAY that I didn't like to do it. There are plenty of other things I can do. I am in need of some new hobbies, so here's hoping I find some with this list.

And there it is. In the category of being brave, I'm definitely in the category of fake it 'til you make it. Usually with my sister pushing me the whole way, because she's 100x tougher and braver than I'll ever be, but she's very patient with me and my lack of coordination when I ask her to teach me to do things that scare me. (Sarah, I don't feel like I've thanked you enough for everything you do. Is this enough yet? Let me know. You know I don't do sappy well.) (Also, the other day, I was telling a story about Sarah, and my friend Beth said, "Why is every story I ever hear about your sister INSANE?" See above.)

To sum up: No broken bones. But this story might be a little bit of a preview of what is to come. Any guesses as to what activity that could be? :)

Song of the day: Just Fine by Mary J. Blige. This goes out to all of the girls at Sarah's bachelorette party- your list of super powers definitely includes bustin' some funky moves. Can't wait to see more of those moves in June!

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