Funny Things

Things I have seen recently on the CTA that freakin' kill me:

On Halloween, there was a guy dressed up as the Dick in the Box guy. As my train pulled away, he opened that box. Everyone else in my train car screamed, but I thought it was hilarious. That guy wins the "Total Tool" award from me. (Get it? I'm funny.)

I saw a 70-year-old dude today carrying an old school metal Masters of the Universe lunchbox.

I saw the most gorgeous sunset today. At 4:45, but whatever.

This morning, a woman got on with a huge donut, but then tried to do her makeup and realized she didn't have enough hands for all of that. I kept waiting to see her rub the donut on her face, but if she did, she saved it for after I got off.

Two sloppy drunk teachers last Friday...oh wait, that was me and my friend.

SOTD: Something Beautiful by needtobreathe. I just like it.

This I Believe: Healthcare

Ok kids, I didn't mean to make this political right away, but here it is: I believe that healthcare should be a right and not a privilege. That said, I have no idea of the logistics it takes to get that done and paid for, but let me tell you why I'm thinking about it today:

I have ear infections in both ears. My right ear is infected in both the outer and middle ear. (I told my dad that and he said, "GEEZ, you're a mess!") The entire right side of my face is swollen. This started yesterday, but I didn't hit up the doctor last night because I had promised Skylar a night out and my friend Al that I'd come see his band play at a bar near my house. This was not one of my brighter ideas, for the record- I couldn't hear out of my right ear and I was miserable. The beer I had wasn't really worth it. So this morning, I got up and went down to cheer for the runners (Go Chicago Marathoners!) then hit up the clinic that's open on Sundays. I got to go to the dr. and get antibiotics for about $20. I saved over $100 because I was born to a family that was able to send me to college, and I happened to find a job that hasn't yet been hit by the recession. If I was out of work, where would I find the money for an EAR INFECTION?

Despite what I'm constantly telling you, I'm not that special. I'm just lucky. But they tell me I'll be feeling better in 24 hours. That is great news.

An ear infection is minor on the scale of things that can go wrong with these crazy bodies we live in. How can anyone deny someone else the right to do what they need to do to feel better? I really don't get it.

Soapbox over. I hope this is coherent. I'm going to bed pretty soon...yeah, it's 5:30.

SOTD: Sick of Myself by Matthew Sweet. Note to those in charge: I'd like a new immune system, please.

Whupped, but with a plan

You guys? I'm getting my ass kicked by a bunch of 3-5 year olds. Thank god this is not my first year- I don't think I'd want to teach anymore.

I've been struggling to come up with good blog writing lately and failing pretty miserably because I am so worn out at the end of the day. It's not just the physically tired part, it's also emotional. What else can I do?

But that's not my point. My point is this: I borrowed a book from my sister called "This I Believe" and it's all short essays on people's personal important beliefs. So at least once a week, I'm going to try to write about something I believe and why because I need something like that right now. Some of them are probably going to be silly (I already have a good idea on my belief in cheese and I'm sure at some point there will be a drunk one about my belief in wine) and some will be what I need to work out in my brain. If I fail to do this, call me on it. If anyone wants to write one and be a guest blogger, let me know. Check out the book- some are better than others, but it's good stuff no matter what.

I need to go to bed now- after one cute kid story for me to think about as I fall asleep. I was out on Monday because I was coming back from visiting my sister. On Wed, one of the dads told me, "Just so you know, my son was really sad you weren't here on Monday. It was all he could talk about on Monday night- he was really hoping you'd be back on Tuesday so he wouldn't have to miss you anymore." For every rotten moment, there's one of those. And that kid is freakin' ADORABLE.

SOTD: I and Love and You by the Avett Brothers. I thought this song was called "Brooklyn Brooklyn" until the other day. I just dig it, even if it's not the best thing to listen to when I'm a bit down. Are you aware the shape I'm in? Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in.

Let's Go Ride!

That subject line used to be my brother-in-law's tagline on every text he sent. He's toned it down a bit now, but it works for today.

I just got back from Colorado- I went to go meet Jaden, who is awesome. But while I was there, I took advantage of it being Colorado and did what I'm pretty sure is only my 3rd ever mountain biking attempt. (Possibly 4th, but I'm pretty sure only 3.) This is the proof. Above, you'll see just how pretty it really is. It just looks like that! Also, they let cows graze there, and you can see that I'm actually headed straight for a cowpie. But that's not the important part. (I did not hit it. I can steer.)

That's me going over a big rock. I'm not sure if you can tell from this picture, but it's a scary one. I went back and did it again because it was cool.

I like mountain biking. I need to get some mountains in Chicago.

Also, I totally have some impressive bruising and injuries. How did I do that? Getting on the bike. I am soooooo coordinated. You wish you could move like me.

SOTD: She's Got You High by Mumm-ra. I hadn't noticed how high we were until we took that first picture, I just knew that going up was hard. Plus, this song is on the happy list.

No WAY!!!!!!!

My friend Matt just won an Emmy!!!!!!

I've been sick and doing nothing but lying on the couch feeling gross all weekend, and I just spent like 20 minutes jumping up and down on my couch screaming because HOLY CRAP! My friend just won an Emmy and he did a GREAT job on his speech, and I could not be any more excited than I am right now.

And now I'm back where I've started- and never really left. I'm sitting home alone watching tv.

BUT SERIOUSLY! HOW COOL IS THAT?!

I hate everyone.

Long story short, I'm having a rough week at school. Rotten kids, a power struggle with other teachers, and I'm already coming down with my first cold of the year, and school's been going on for 8 days now. Rotten germ-infested kids.

The main point of this is telling you that even though I rode my bike to school, I was upset enough that I went to the gym and worked out in hopes of settling down a bit. I was still a bit cranky when I was cruising home in rush hour, getting cut off my jerkfaces on Vespas and irresponsible cyclists listening to their iPods.

What finally made me feel better? Singing today's SOTD in my head the whole way. Never doubt the power of a great song.

SOTD: I Hate Everyone by Get Set Go. Whoa-ho-oh-oh-oh-oh!!!!! All the people on the street- I HATE YOU ALL!

Less to say...

I'm finding that I don't have much to say here lately, but a few things you might find interesting:

I took syphilis to school for the kids to use as a loaner for rest time in case they need something to cuddle. I cut his tag off so that no one would see it and know what it is, and I just call him a worm. But every time I see it, I giggle and think about how many germs there are at school.

I went to German fest, then Irish fest yesterday. I'm on a dessert and drinking ban for the month of September, and I totally blew it. Chicago is hard. But at least I represented for my dad's side of the fam. All I needed to do was swing through Chinatown and eat some Hawaiian food and I would have been good to go.

School is fun. It's nice being in the 2nd year and feeling that much more confident about what I'm doing, and knowing for sure what is going to work. It's also fun to see how big my old kids are and get to know new kids.

SOTD: Tell Her This by Del Amitri. I was making myself a mix today of songs that make me happy and I found this in my iTunes, and I'd sort of forgotten about it. It's not really a happy song, so it didn't make the mix, but it is a good song.

PS- Taylor Swift just got dicked over by Kanye West. That's messed up, MTV. Messed up.

For Posterity

I'm standing up in yet another wedding tomorrow. (This is my 9th for those of you keeping score at home.) I just got home from the rehearsal, and there are a few things I want to document, lest I forget them:

#1: The bride's parents are both deaf. The groom's dad learned his speech tonight in sign language. If that doesn't at least make you misty, you may not be human.

#2: The priest was running us through the mass.

Priest: Gospel, homily, you know, the boring stuff.

Other Hilarious Bridesmaid: Homilies are my jam, yo.

Me: *Completely losing my shit* And never really regaining it, when tales turn to dipping a communion host in guac, then doing a slip'n slide through the altar as an alternate means of ending the ceremony. Also, trying to convince a separate engaged couple to say "Ditto" every time the couple getting married says anything so that they can save themselves the hassle of a big wedding. These are good ideas!!!!

#3: I'm not even kidding about wanting the bride's sister-in-law to be my friend for real. I just had a dance party with her and a whole lotta relatives who were a really good time. Including 2 deaf uncles who told me that my shoes were hot.

Tomorrow is going to be so fun. I'd better get some sleep.

SOTD: Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough by Michael Jackson. Am I being trendy with the MJ stuff? No, it was the last song the groom's father played from his iPod when they called last call. Who's jealous that I still have another night of partying ahead of me? I'm off to drink some water and cut up fruit, because I offered to bring breakfast tomorrow.

New love

No matter what I tend to whine about, I can always come back to the good things I have going when I need to.

Today, I have a new love in my life. I loved him in my imagination, and I'm thrilled to get the opportunity to get to know him and fall in love with the person he is going to be. His name is Jaden, he is my sister's baby, and he is beautiful.


How could you not love that face? Look at his perfect little nose! I also love how newborn babies always look so tired when they first get here. Like, "WHEW! That was one crazy ride."

SOTD: Waiting for Jaden by ALO. The wait has ended. (I was soooo wrong on my guess about when he would actually show up, but I have forgiven him.)

Summertime...

...and the livin' is easy.

You guys? Craig Ferguson is really funny. And he gets no play in the media. Every time I watch his show (more often that I should in the summer...I'm only up for the sake of being up right now) I feel like I'm the only one watching, but he cracks me UP.

Randomly, I have to tell you- not working is great. Really. But I'm unfocused, which is trouble because I'm the sort of person that needs to be busy to accomplish anything. If I'm busy, I'm focused. These days...meh.

I went out for a few beers with my friend Frank earlier. I was bored and called him to see what he was up to. He was all, "Sure, I'll come out, what's the plan?" And I was like, "Um...my plan was 1) call Frank, then 2) leave house." It worked out, because Frank is also a teacher and up for Monday night beers, but it threw me that he expected me to have a plan. Beyond the one I outlined here.

But oh, boo-hoo, poor me. I'm not working and I'm bored. Someone smack me. It's cool, I know I deserve it.

I went to a bachelorette party this weekend. It was super chill and awesome. But don't think that I didn't show all of those girls my boobs. I want a commission at Intimacy, because they were all very impressed with my boobs. That is seriously as crazy as it got. Don't be jealous.

Carrot Top is still not funny. After all these years...just thought you should know.

In reading this blog lately, I feel like I'm not myself. It has not been funny, and I know that. Know that I am working on it, and will get back to being funny as soon as I can.

SOTD: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by the Smiths. I think I'm going to officially show up to the party 25 years late and become a huge melancholy Smiths junkie. I've always sort of peripherally liked them, but lately I find myself drawn to them.

Boobs

Boys who read this blog:

If you are uncomfortable with me talking about my boobs in a non sexy way, then you should probably skip this post. You have been warned.

To the ladies:

Ok, so in general as much as I know stuff about Oprah and I hear what she's talking about and I've watched more than I care to admit, she actually really tends to get on my nerves a lot of the time. I know. Call me crazy, but she is really annoying.

Awhile back, she did this whole thing about how women aren't wearing the right bra sized, and there's a store here that does these fittings and every brand is different so you really have to go check. It sounded ridiculous to me. But in all honesty, I have hated bra shopping for the last few years. It's no fun when you're a bigger girl and none of the bras are pretty and they don't fit right.

But today I went to that store. And it cost me a fortune, but I bought two new bras today that are AMAZING. I have perky boobs! And there is no spillage or backfat or weird jiggly spots. I am in love with these boobs I have right now. I've been flashing everyone. Including Tedd, who approves of my new bra. So I am going to endorse the store Intimacy, and ask for donations so I can go back. For real. It is NOT cheap.

SOTD: Girls! by the Beastie Boys.

Awesome.

So you know what rocks?

My backyard. And my neighbors and wine.

What makes it better is when my upstairs neighbor finds out that I broke up with BB and is like, "Let's drink and talk about it in the backyard." My neighbors are the mf'n BOMB. Seriously, I couldn't ask for a better building. Have I mentioned that?

For real, my slack ass housewarming party is the 15th, and I'm combining it with Teddy's b-day. Come if you can. There's plenty of space.

I'm watching Jonah Hill on Letterman and he's gotten really fat. Other than my drinking today, I've been working out and eating salads. I'll let you know how that works out for me.

Funny side note: When I accidentally typed ho instead of how, my nazi spell check didn't argue. My school-based (I'm using my school computer because it's nicer) computer is okay with the word ho. Bring on the hookers, yo.

SOTD: There Goes the Fear by the Doves. Because it's in (500) Days of Summer which I LOVED. And it's in Catch and Release, which is an okay flick if you're depressed and/or from Boulder. But seriously, my break up brain loved the Summer flick. Indy endings are so much better than Hollywood endings. I'm mostly over the BB thing, but it makes me feel better to watch other people not succeed through no fault of their own. Make sense? I'm okay, but it's nice to not feel like it's my fault.

Wacky Germans

These two pictures just make me laugh every time I look at them. Seriously? Mr. Bleck is a coffee shop? And the dude is standing there looking like Chef from South Park in a little servant's jacket? Oh you racist bastards. You make me laugh so hard. I went and got coffee from there just to see if there was something I could take for Shaynea, and she's so getting a matchbook.

The second picture is the most horrifying fountain I've ever seen. I couldn't capture it really without taking a lot of detailed pictures, but there is a lot of weird and scary stuff happening in there, including a dragon eating someone.

I'll work on London and Prague tomorrow.

Nuremburg, part 2

Knowing that they were called the Nuremburg Trials, if you thought about it hard enough, you'd know that the city saw a lot of action in WWII. But before that, the city had a very impressive history from the 1300's. The castle is at the top of a large hill, and used to have a wall that enclosed the entire city. The city has since spread, but you can still find parts of the wall around the city. Top to bottom:

The hangman's house. Seriously. Who'd you have to kill to live there? Ba dum dum. (Thanks, I'll be here all week, try the veal.)

I'm blanking on the name of that church and I'm too lazy to go look it up. It was bombed to the ground and rebuilt. Inside, it's amazing but you're not allowed to take pictures.

That's really what a lot of the city looks like. That's just a random street that is pretty.

A castle wall- you can see where it's been repaired, post-war.

Another view.

Nuremburg, Germany

Top to bottom:

A statue honoring the toy makers, one of the things that Nuremburg is famous for. There's a hidden ring that you can turn to make a wish. I'm not telling what my wish was.

Cool old bridge right by the hangman's house. That's true- he had one of the best views in town.

View of Nuremburg from the castle.

Castle.

Church.

More Nuremburg- I went with the purpose of taking pictures.

Salzburg, Austria

So it turns out that I didn't take the best pictures while I was gone. There's a lot of stuff that I seem to have just forgotten to actually capture. But this is me in Salzburg- Mozart's birthplace, and the home of Sound of Music. The city is beautiful, as you can see from the two views of either me in it, or looking at it. The other picture is the side of the castle there- knowing how old these buildings are, I'm always amazed at how high they did things. I understand that it was for protection, but it took lifetimes, and that blows my mind. It's quite a hike to get up there. We didn't go in though.

The Bachelorette

All the ladies in the house who were addicted to The Bachelorette say "Hey-yo!"

Hey-yo!

Props for:

Being completely f'n ridiculous. I was watching last night, and when they showed the volcano when she was in the room with Ed (or E.D. if you know what I'm sayin')...I DIED. I was laughing so hard I had to call Shaynea to see if she had caught that shit.

Calling Ed out for the E.D.

Reid! You also called out Ed for the E.D.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally just gave you a fist bump and baked you some cookies. You may have been dumped twice on national tv, but you totally looked like a man doing it.

Please. Who proposes when you KNOW that she's been banging other dudes as recently as the night before? Something HAS to tell you that is NOT okay. PLUS, PLUS+++++++!!!!!!!!!! Dude who came in third shows up and proposes and she HESITATED. I'd be all, "Fuck YOU, biatch. In or out, yo." She had to break up with TWO other dudes to get engaged to you that day. Is that REALLY okay with you? Don't lie.

Yeah. I don't anticipate running into Jillian in Chicago. That's all I'm sayin'.

NO, wait! Chris Harrison just called him out on his sissy shorts! And they are SO not okay in the bedroom. If you have to say that many times that everything is fine in there, after the big "fantasy suite" debacle...I'm just not buying it.

Sorry if you weren't watching that ridiculous bs. I like feeling superior in all ways to people on reality tv.

SOTD: Be There by Howie Day. If you're gonna be there, BE THERE. I just really like this song, even though I feel like I shouldn't. I don't know, Howie Day writes a mean pop song. I just accidentally typed poop song. I guess I'm feeling ambiguous break up songs these days. "Sorry, I thought it could work, but if it's not going to, then I guess you should bail." I've also been indulging in retail therapy. Someone take my credit card away from me. No seriously.

If you're digging the angsty Howie Day, see also She Says. When she says she wants somebody else, I hope you know- she doesn't mean you. I'm pretty sure that Howie Day is a HUGE douche bag in person.

Ayo.

I swear i'm working on the picture thing. I'm busy!

But one funny thing from Germany- one of the first things I heard on the radio when I got there was this song- Ayo Technology. And I was listening to it like, "I feel like I've heard this before, but something about it isn't quite right..." Then I kept listening and realized that it is the GEEKIEST Fifty Cent cover ever...but still kind of catchy.

So this is what the Germans are digging these days.

SOTD: Ayo Technology by Milow.

Good news/Bad news

Hello.

Good news: I'm home! I have tons of pictures and stories when I get to it, right now I'm just focused on finding something clean to wear.

Bad news: Banjo Boy and I broke up last night. I am sad, but know it is for the best.

I will post pictures and international stories as soon as I get on that whole clean clothes thing I mentioned earlier. Feel free to entertain me in the meantime with what you've been up to lately.

One picture

So on Saturday when you were all attending awesome bbq's, watching fireworks and celebrating your independence, I went to the Documentation Center in Nuremburg. It's on the former Nazi Rally grounds, and it's a history of the rise and fall of the Nazis. Not so much like a party, and there was something weird about going on the 4th of July, but it was definitely interesting.

Afterwards, I had some time to kill and it's right on this nice lake so I went for a walk and found a nice biergarten. (Look at me! I'm learning German!*) Nelly and Keana came and met me there, and I enjoyed a few brews and some sausages for dinner. Here is a picture of that- it's me, my beer, and about 17 chins. It's an awful picture, but it makes me laugh. Seriously, I look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Do you also like that I'm balancing my huge beer on my boob? Yeah, that's hot.



It's been raining since then, so I haven't done much since then but relax. I've read 6 books so far, and I've been here for about a week and a half. Things are picking up though- Tom and I went back to Nuremburg today when he got home from work and did some walking around, so I have some pictures for you that I haven't downloaded yet, but I promise to get to it before the weekend. Tomorrow if it's not raining in the afternoon, I'm all over going to take pictures of the things that have been making me laugh.

Why? Because this weekend is when I get to go to London and I am PSYCHED!

SOTD: 99 Luftballoons by Nena. Obviously, it's been stuck in my head since I got here. Plus, I totally found a Nena DVD in the closet here. Don't think I didn't laugh out loud when I saw it.

*At dinner tonight, Tom and Nelly were saying Nuremburg funny (not Nurnberg, which is how Germans say it) and Keana looked at them and said, "Don't make it any harder on Rachel!" Apparently, what they were doing is the equivalent of a southern accent. To answer your question Ashley, yes. Keana is smarter than I am. This is not news.

More stuff I've done

Yesterday was a funny day for this 30 Things list. Tom gave me my second ever stick shift driving lesson, AND showed me how to plug in his electric guitar and taught me a few licks.

The driving lesson went pretty well. Tom has become more patient as he's gotten older. According to my sister, when he was supposed to teach her, she killed it once and they turned around and went back home. I successfully started, got to second and stopped around and around in a parking lot last night. Then he tried to make me start going up a hill. I think we both knew that wouldn't end well. Do I think I'll ever be really confident out on the streets? Not so much, but I'm learning. The streets here are so narrow and a little scary for me anyway.

The guitar is awesome. I didn't known I'd like making so much noise, but hey...sorry neighbors, I'm rocking out in Germany!! I may actually have someone take a video of me playing to put up here because I think it's pretty amusing. I can do all of that fancy reverb/feedback stuff. It's pretty badass, if I do say so myself.

I still haven't taken any pictures, but I have Saturday morning to myself, so I'll ride Tom's bike "into town" and take pictures there. It's exactly what you think it looks like, but it also seems funny that it looks like that in 2009.

I'm sorry, what?

Sarah, I saw your request for pictures, so Keana and I will have to take a walk tomorrow and see what I can show you.

I went for a run this morning and while my brother was drawing the map of where I should go, there was nary a street name mentioned. Not so well marked out here, so he was describing weird things like, "The parking lot over there is sort of big." I'd say 95% of the buildings here are white with a red tile roof. It's disconcerting for those of us who maybe don't have the best sense of direction.

My 7-year-old niece did get us home today, though, to her credit. I tried a shortcut that Tom recommended without having seen it and pulled up at one point and said, "Does this look right?" And she's like, "No, but our house is over there." I also got to be that awesome American today when we went to a pool, and I didn't know how to tell the lady what she needed to know. I asked Keana, and she told me and I was all, "Do you need a cough drop or something?" So she did all of the talking for me. And we stopped for ice cream on the way home and she handled that, too. Awesome.

It's actually a little bit disconcerting. While I was running, I had on my iPod, and I was in my zone and someone said something to me, and pulling out the earbuds didn't help. I think they were just being friendly, but I'll never really know. I guess learning a little more of the language wouldn't kill me. So far, I've learned a lot of food names. Banana is banane. But it's the "eh" sound at the end not "ay". I keep saying it wrong, and it's driving Keana bananas.

That's all I've got for now. I'll work on the pictures tomorrow.

OH WAIT! I forgot the other weird thing- my computer and iPod have both figured out that we're in Germany, so not even this blog looks right when I sign in. It's very strange.

Sprechen sie Deutsch?

Greetings from Germany!

I got in yesterday morning and my brother Tom and I headed for Salzburg, Austria. I can now say that I've seen Mozart's birth place and where The Sound of Music was filmed. Apparently, people around here assume that "The Sound of Music" must refer to something Mozart did, because most of them have never seen the movie. Perhaps it's something about how Germans are depicted in that flick?

I also saw the birth place of the dude that wrote Silent Night and not one, but TWO brothels. I found that very entertaining. One had a red light out front in the shape of a heart and it was marked like a historical landmark. I wanted to take a picture, but Tom pointed out that doing that is a good way to get ourselves in trouble if anyone saw us. Pimps don't give that shit away for free, yo.

For now, we're lounging around the house because it's gray and rainy outside and we have time to explore later.

Hope all is well stateside.

Not so funny stories

I've been getting crap from some people about the fact that I haven't updated here in awhile. I don't have much to show for the last month or so...just a lot of busy-ness and not funny stories. School ended, that was wonderful and sad at the same time. That said, I thought I was going to miss my kids, but the truth is...I don't really. I've been really enjoying doing absolutely nothing and sort of pulling myself back together. I was tired. My first year of teaching was actually quite difficult. Rewarding, and I love it, but definitely as hard as I'd heard.

I saw a preview for a movie the other day (Julie and Julia if you care) where the girl was pissed that her friend's blog was being turned into a movie, and she was like, "I could blog! I have thoughts!" I was like, hmmm. Do I have any INTERESTING thoughts? Let's take a look at a few of the actual things that have run through my head lately:

"Hmmm, I AM glad that I chose this blue color for my living room..."

"Shut UP, Jillian got rid of Jake? Those Bachelorette producers are cray-zay bitches." (Truth time: Even sadder? I actually said that out loud. To an empty room.)

"It's 5:00? WTF did I do all day today?"

"Holy shit! Wednesday! When did that happen?"

I'm leaving on my international adventure on Friday, and I will be bringing a computer, so maybe I can get some international woman of mystery stuff started. Probably not though, since I'm primarily going to be killing time with my 7-year-old niece. Whatever, I'm about to be internationally known.

Maybe I'll make some stuff up. Or just make fun of Germans. We'll see.

SOTD: Around the World by Daft Punk. "Where's Rachel?" "I don't know, somewhere around the world." Hell yeah. I remember staying up too late at some point in high school and seeing this video and thinking that maybe I'd just had a really detailed dancing dream. Didn't Daft Punk also have a video with a dude in a creepy dog costume just walking around the city like a person? What song was that? That also creeped me out. I never did drugs, but I always felt like I had after I saw their videos.

My new place

Allow me to preface this with the fact that I've been drinking while home alone for a few hours now. I'm superfly classy, and everyone wants to be me when they grow up.

Moving is hard. And it's not like it's a secret. But I've had some weird days. I live by myself now. So I can be messy, but I don't WANT to be. And I can't remember exactly where everything is quite yet. And I keep catching myself doing weird things. Like (this is weird) I've always been a my side of the bed type of girl. I think I was afraid that if I ever got into the habit of taking up the whole bed, if I ever found anyone else who'd want to sleep there, I wouldn't be able to adjust. But in trying to assert myself in this new home, to really make me feel at home here, I've been taking up the whole bed. I'm sleeping dead center and spreading out my arms and really taking up space. I like it.

But it's like I think all of my decisions are final. I can't decide on paint colors. I can't choose any art. I can't even THINK about the rugs I need.

Plus, school is almost out. It's somehow completely overwhelming, even though I can't exactly point to what's making it hard. I don't REALLY have that much more work. The kids are not exponentially crazier (for the most part.) I just can't seem to focus on anything and find myself uttering the phrase "When school is out" more often than I think is really necessary.

Basically, I'm somehow overwhelmed and unsettled for the time being. But I'm working on it. Come visit anytime. Housewarming on 6/13 if you'll be in Chicago. Details to come.

SOTD: Lilac Wine by Jeff Buckley. I was trying to find the Nina Simone version, but youtube is being uncooperative. This is, however, not a sloppy second, just not exactly what I wanted. "I drink much more than I oughta drink...Lilac wine, I feel unsteady... Lilac wine, I feel unready..."

Also, I've been stopping constantly to smell the lilacs all over Chicago. Spring fever? Hell yeah, bring it.

No excuses

I did give a warning that I'd be MIA for awhile, right? Oh man, moving is a lot of work, and then just when you think it's slowing down, it's also the end of the school year, and spring (!!!) and whatever else the hell it is I do with my time, and my wireless isn't working so when I'm on my computer I have to sit on one side of my living room that does NOT face the tv...and yeah, my life is SO HARD, you guys.

Hm. I thought I had something to say, but I'm blanking, so I'll hit you with a cute kid story and try to do better next time.

Yesterday, I was talking to a kid about his trip to London. Something about the way he said it made me think he went there often, so I said, "Do you know someone who lives there?"

"I know someone who lived there a long time ago."

"Oh really? Who's that?"

"King Henry the Eighth. I saw his bones- the put a beard on them and it's really funny."

This kid also referred to himself as his sister's butler when she conned him into carrying her backpack for her. I love him.

I lost my wallet the other day (It HAS to be in the damn house, but I can't find it. Stupid wallet.) The purpose of me mentioning this is that I went to the bank and they gave me a temporary ATM card, which I didn't know existed, so I'm pretty psyched. If it ever happens to you, now you know.

SOTD: Turn by Travis. I went to see these boys a few weeks back, and I realized that I really miss being a huge music geek. Also, I met these guys back in my concert booking days at Marquette, and they are really funny, super sweet, and they put on an amazingly energetic show for how mellow they sound here. Also, Fran Healy is adorable and watching him do pushups makes me smile in some bizarre sadistic way.

Bonus song: Also Travis- All I Wanna Do is Rock. Because this is not a crazy rock song. Until it is.

Officially official

Buy a condo? CHECK!

Step back

I just wrote my last rent check. That's a weird feeling.

I'm kicking packing's ASS today, so I'm gonna get back to it so I can go play outside later because it's gorgeous out.

Also, if you're bored, you should watch this because it made me laugh really hard last night, and it makes me wish I had more excuses to steal the quote, "Bait and switch motherfuckers!" Ok, I couldn't find the clip, so if you go and are like, "The whole Daily Show? I only have 5 mins!" Then just fast forward yourself to the second segment to hear what Wyatt Cenac has to say because I'm still giggling about it.

SOTD: Use Somebody by Kings of Leon. Because I could use someone to get all of this crap out of here. Oh wait, I AM! Rock on.

A plea

Dear Mother Nature,

I just packed up my serious winter gear. Don't make me use it. I swear to you I will cry.

Also, any help you want to send in the form of magical packing elves would be cool.

XOXO,

Rachel

SOTD: I'm Not Ok (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance. I've just always thought that the (I Promise) was funny.

Not to worry

So I know I've been an absent blogger lately, but I've got a lot going on and most of it is not my story to tell. But not to worry, eventually it will pass and I'll be back to rambling about whatever. A few highlights:

Remember when I was talking about how much booze I had left in my house post b-day party? Not to worry, the beer has been relocated (to BB and his friends) and I've taken care of most of the wine. And there is still plenty of hard stuff that will be perfect for backyard bbq's this summer, because oh yeah, did I mention? I've got a backyard, suckas!

I'm also working on the wine as I type. One more day until spring break, then it's pack-up-palooza up in this bitch. Who's jealous?!

One of my kids thought I had my pants on backwards the other day, and he was like, "Ms. K, I notice something different about your pants..." When I demonstrated that I had pockets on both the front and the back (the source of the confusion) he was visibly relieved. I told him that it was sweet of him to be concerned.

These are pretty lame stories to be called "highlights". I'll work on being a more interesting person whenever I get a chance.

I've got a list of SOTD's for you to account for the fact that I may be a blog slacker for a bit:

Love Lockdown by Kanye West. I don't know what it means, I just know I dig it. I don't think I'm on Love Lockdown.

Penis Song- for Sarah and Timmy.

One Step at a Time by Jordin Sparks. This song used to annoy me, and it was on my cousin Tricia's blog and it drove me nuts to hear the footsteps when I was just trying to see what she was up to. But then I was a bit stressed over the condo the other day, and I heard it and I had a really cheesy embarrassing moment of "Yeah, she's right. It's gonna be cool, just keep doing what you need to do..." Then I realized what I was thinking and mocked myself for a long time. Whatever, you like me anyway. I'm allowed to change my mind.

Be Gentle With Me by The Boy Most Likely To. I heard this when I was watching Baby Mama a few months ago and hunted it down. The chorus just fits my brain right now. And I am fully aware of how sad every part of that statement is. HOLD UP! I just started watching this video, and I have two more thoughts. 1) Those stuffed animals are cute. 2) RASHIDA JONES? Shut the fuck up. I am SO SICK of you showing up everywhere I live in my dream world. Just stop it. I'm trying to hate you. (Seriously, it's no fair- she gets to be in all of these cool movies with awesome dudes AND date Jim Halpert? It's just not right.)

Chasing Pavement by Adele. I don't know why. I still dig angsty stuff even when I'm not angsty.

And because you're already YouTubing, this is one of my favorite things of the last few months. The kid just kills me- "Why is this happening to me?!" "Is this real life?" This is totally what I think Drunk Rachel sounds like.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Here's hoping that you're reading this in a green beer haze...except for you Sarah- green oj only for you!

Looking for answers like, "Wear green" or "Look for leprechauns", I asked my kids what you do on St. Patrick's Day. One of my 5-year-olds raised his hand and said, "Go to a parade and drink alcohol." Hell yeah, Chicago kid! What did YOU do last weekend?

Also, when we were little, my mom used to dye our milk and oj green before we woke up for breakfast. It was always hilarious, until the year that she accidentally used the mint flavored food coloring...in case you missed the memo, mint + oj = NASTY. But it's a happy memory, so I did it to our milk and told the kids that leprechauns must have snuck in while we were at recess and changed the color of our milk. They loved it. I'm considering calling the dairy people and letting them in on this, because they drank about 3x as much milk as they normally do. "More leprechaun milk, please!"

I didn't do any day drinking over the weekend. Why, you ask? Because I was too busy BUYING A FREAKING CONDO!!!!!!!!!! I didn't want to jinx it until the inspection, which was today and it was awesome. I'm much more relaxed now than I've been in the last week because things are sort of out of my hands for the next few days plus I have a month before I move (exactly one month from today!) and I have my spring break in there to pack and get shit together. So anyway, I'm going to have a guest room if anyone wants to come visit my new 'hood- Lincoln Square. It's awesome, I promise.

Sooooo...what's new out there? I have nothing else interesting to report because condos take up quite a bit of brain space. I'll check it off of this list when I'm actually moved in.

SOTD: Bad Idea by Ben Folds Five. Not because I think that any of the stuff I've been up to has been a bad idea, but this song always gets stuck in my head when I'm stressed out and running around like a crazy person making to do lists longer than my arm.

Bonus SOTD: In Between Days by Ben Folds. It's a Cure cover that I really dig and had sort of forgotten about until this moment. "Yesterday I got so old, it made me want to cry."

The news is depressing.

I'm back! And I'm better!

But exhausted, and reading the news isn't helping. Things that are bothering me include (but are not limited to):

1. They're changing the name of the Sears Tower? WTF people who bought it? Nobody cares who you are. I will never call it that. Just shut up, because you're annoying.

2. Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore got married on Tuesday. Now, I'm not one to start rumors about Mandy Moore being pregnant, but hey kids, what's the rush?

3. Condos are hard.

SOTD: Too Many Dicks on the Dancefloor by Flight of the Conchords. Because it's awesome and the fact that they made disco ball penises puts my b-day decorations to shame and makes me green with envy.

Movie Reviews

I've been watching movies non-stop, and I have to do something besides lay here, so here are some very helpful movie reviews for you.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist: Ok, I saw this one before, but I still loved it. First of all, it has my cougar crush Michael Cera (Adorable!) and Kat Dennings being as cool as I wish I could have been. I also want the soundtrack. But it's a sweet story about a bunch of kids staying out too late when they're in high school and doing stupid kid things. In the best way. A-

Wanted: I wanted to see this one because they shot it in my 'hood awhile back. And it makes Chicago look awesome, which is always something I like. And seriously! James McAvoy's character totally lives in the house behind mine- that is so cool! Unfortunately, my ability to tell you where they are in any given scene is the only highlight of this really dumb and very violent movie. D

W.: I really liked this movie. I like things that humanize people like presidents, world leaders, anyone who has that sort of larger than life feeling. I think it tells an interesting story of someone who I won't claim to be a fan of, but who is still a human being at the end of the day. B+

The Women: If you need a so-so chick flick when you're sick, this one is not so bad. It's not great, but you won't have to think about it at all, so if you doze off in the middle, you can pretty much figure out what you've missed within about 3 seconds. If you're looking for real entertainment, I'd look elsewhere. C

Run, Fat Boy, Run: This movie is so awesome. A slacker decides to run a marathon to win the girl, with only three weeks to train. Not starring: reality. But it is SO FUNNY. I feel like I can't say much else without giving away a lot of the good stuff, but seriously, watch this movie. Especially if you've ever run anything. B+

Center Stage: Holy balls this movie is CRAPTASTIC. My roommate loves this movie, even though she admits that it's horrible. I've finally caved to watching it in my inability to sit up for more than 10 mins. at a time, and it's everything I thought it would be. Totally bad rainy day/sick day ridiculousness. Predictable, horrible acting, pretty teenagers believing they are making life and death decisions, ballet dancing, shaking up the ballet world with more interesting styles (you go girl!)...it has it all. Oh, and 90's Mandy Moore music, and you all know how I feel about her these days. C-

Song of the day: Too Much Time on My Hands by Styx. Seriously, if I'm not up and running tomorrow I'm going to lose my mind. Next up on my schedule? I'm going to shower. Anyone want to come share a spoon with me? I'm bored.

INCONCEIVABLE!

You know how they have those things called flu shots? And that when you voluntarily go, "Oh hey, yeah, a flu shot. I'll get one of those so I won't get that nasty nasty flu from my germ infested students!" It seems like a pretty fool proof plan, doesn't it?

Alas, it is not a fool-proof plan. I went to the dr. yesterday convinced that I had strep, and I was all, "Ok, let's get the gagging over with so I can have some drugs and move along with my life, la di dah di dah..." And then that dr. was all, "You don't have strep, you have the flu. Go home, crawl under some blankets and clear out your Netflix queue for the next 5-7 days." Lady, to do that, I would have to be able to leave the house to go to a mailbox! I see a flaw in your plan!

Also, did you really just tell me that you can't help me? Oh, that would explain why I'm sobbing in your office. No no, that's not embarassing at all. I love reacting like a 4-year-old. (Seriously, that was weird. I didn't see it coming, all of a sudden I'm just crying and she's trying to be nice, but she obviously doesn't want to touch me so she's sitting on the other side of the office pointing to the tissue box. I am awesome.)

My super smart sister tells me that the flu shot might make this not last as long. I think she might be right as today, I feel better. My brain is back in action, but my body is not. I can type, but BB just called and I'm pretty sure the only thing he heard was the sound of me drooling and saying, "Mmm-kay." I'm only on day 2 here, and I'm already feeling a little stir crazy, which should be a good sign that I'm getting better, right?

In other news, I fell in love with a condo...we'll see how that plays out. If anyone out there is a tax expert, I have a question I need help with, so seriously, let me know.

I hope everyone else is having a much more enjoyable weekend. Call or email me and tell me fun stories, I'm already tired of movies.

SOTD: Paper Planes by M.I.A. Because I, too, fly like paper, get high like planes. Also, it's been stuck in my head for like a week. Does anyone else look at M.I.A. and see the girl in high school who was really quirky and weird, but who you sort of secretly wanted to be? Or is that just me?

Pinned.

Me: So...ok...um, hey. Remember a long time ago when you...you know...I guess, asked me to be your...you know...uhhhh...your girlfriend? Um...so yeah...I mean...I guess that's okay now...if you really want to...but you know, whatever. I don't really care or anything.

Banjo Boy: Awesome...Do I need to give you my letter jacket now?

SOTD: Girlfriend by NSYNC f/ Nelly. Gotta love the Nelly version.

PS- It's still weird, but I'm working on it.

Glitches

Oh man you guys, I'm so sorry- this blog has suffered glitches galore. First, my computer has been pretty dead for a few weeks now, but I finally got a new battery (and charger) and we are back in business! Of course, I still suck and don't have pictures from my camera, but luckily the awesome Slackey Jay has provided some great pics from the big Dirty Thirty party. Know that blogs with pictures are sort of a pain in the ass, so please ignore any funky formatting.



T-rel of guest blogger status. All the way from Seattle, because I am that awesome.

The Lackeys playing Low Ballz. It was by far the best game I have ever found.

That's me! Playing my guitar for all the people at my party! Which totally counts as the public, because there were a lot of people there! (Again, I'm pretty damn fabulous.) Note the pink things you see on the wall behind me and Banjo Boy- yeah, it's a penis. More on that in a minute.

My fabulous Sky in the Pie (TM) creation by Skylar- raspberries, dark chocolate, and penis candles. Hell yeah.

Banjo Boy impressing everyone with his mad skills. It was actually pretty cool.

Alice serenading me with her trumpet the second she walked in the door. It was totally hilarious. Tiffany then got out her clarinet, but again that picture is missing for now. How cool is it to have 3 separate musical serenades? My creative friends kick ass.

So do the ones who made the penises and vaginas with construction paper- Blaire, Tedd, Skylar, Sarah, and Ali- you kick ass! Sarah flew in from Minnesota to surprise me which was SO AWESOME, but it went so fast that I feel like it doesn't count and I can't wait to go visit her this summer. The other awesome part is that in having a dirty party, my friends totally get into it. Comments while we were making our construction paper parts? "I just jizzed all over your floor." "I'm stressed about my vagina!" "Is it just me, or does my penis look really weird?"

I have to say- I think I'm going to like my 30s. The view from here has been pretty good so far.

Anyway, I've also been busy with...um...you know, whatever. My bidness. But I'm back now and will be better about the blogging from here on out.

SOTD: Live Your Life by TI and Rihanna. Because I just dig it. HEEEEYYYYYYYY!

No. Absolutely not.

Ryan Adams is going to marry Mandy Moore?!?!?!?!

Oh no. Oh HELL no. A piece of my soul just died.

SOOOOOO not ok.

SOTD: Fix It by Ryan Adams. Ryan, baby- we can fix this. You can't marry Mandy Fuckin' Moore. This is unacceptable behavior.

#16 From a new perspective

First, the intro:

My friend T-rel is one of my college buddies who also has a blog (See: Beutler in Seattle in the links to the right.) He lives in Seattle, and recently mentioned that he was going to learn to snowboard. So, he did that for me so I could cross one more thing off of my list. He called the other night to tell me that he was coming to my b-day party (WHICH WAS AWESOME. Better post on that when I get the pictures from a few other people and loaded from my camera.) Anyway, T-rel decided to write his snowboarding experience in "the voice of Rachel", and he said he had a SOTD picked out and everything, so I told him to have at it. While there was a tiny piece of me that thought, "This is where I find out that T-rel thinks I'm a moron," for the most part, I thought this would be a lot of fun. He sent me this, and I was correct. I had tears streaming down my face reading it, so I hope you enjoy the story of how "I" learned to snowboard. My comments are in blue.

In case nobody noticed I have this list of things I wanted to do before I was thirty. I figured with my summer off and family in the mountains learning to snowboard would be one of the easier options. Well I had to make a special effort to do this because my birthday is coming up really soon and you know what is awesome about a new sport? I get to go SHOPPING! I went shopping because I needed to look the part of a snowboarder and also not to freeze but that was secondary. If I’m going to meet a cutie on the mountain I need to look the part of a snowbunny. I don't talk about shopping here, do I? I don't think I'm that bad...

I’m going to detail my thought process on picking out snowboard gear.
Step 1 – I asked around to figure out what I needed to buy versus what I could rent once I got there. Result – lots of conflicting advice. Go figure. Step 2 – go to the store to shop around. Result – I didn’t buy anything but there was a cute guy who offered to help me. I’m going back tomorrow to flirt with him some more. Step 3 – return to the store to buy essentials because I was a little overwhelmed. Result – I spent way too much money buying gloves, snowpants, a jacket, and goggles. Secondary result – cute guy is dating someone. Suckage! But he wasn’t that cute on second glance anyway or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. Boys are never that cute after you find out they're taken.

You might know this about me but I don’t like to embarrass myself all that much so rather than go on a busy weekend I decided to take a day off of work. The kids won’t even know I’m gone – I’m just going to give them some crayons and leave to snowboard and be back in time to hand them back to the parents. Actually, I used a vacation day and a Sub came in to handle the kids but seriously some days I think the kiddies would have no idea if I left for a few hours. Have I ever said this? It might be true. On top of the clothes I decided to take lessons with my learning to snowboard experience because, well, I figured I would rather spend the money and fall intelligently to make up ground on people who I know already snowboard. Ok, that does sound like me.

What the hell!? I have the day off I might as well kill two birds with one stone and see the Dr. before I head out to the mountain right? Well I’m not going to die so don’t ask me all worried like. That did give me a little bit later start than I wanted because you know really, who wants to fall in the afternoon when you can fall in the morning. And because I figured the earlier I went the sooner I would be going down the mountain in no time.

So I get there and it’s an awesome day – like 30 and sunny and I’m thinking how lucky it is that I randomly picked a good day. That got me thinking about how I spent an hour driving uphill the entire time because the hill I chose is on the backside of Mt. Rainier. How bad ass is that? I mean seriously there is a glacier at the top year around! Take that garbage piles in the Midwest! You suck you know that!? You’re made of garbage piled really high – ugh – how gross is that? Seriously how did they decide that making ski hills out of garbage was a good idea, I mean couldn’t you come up with something else to do with the garbage or a different substance to pile up and make a ski hill out of? This is BY FAR my favorite part. Nicely done, T-rel.

I spent money to rent a board and get two hours of instruction and it was awesome. The first they teach you is how to put on the gear – which is ironic because I had the clothes and looked like I knew what I was doing – ha – little did they know. Anyway, I had a young guy assigned to me, heretofore referred to as cute snowboard guy or CSG for short. (Hee hee! Nicknames!) CSG was great; he taught me all the basics of getting on the board, starting, stopping, turning, and most importantly looking good on my board in my awesome snow garb. I picked out some awesome stuff as it turns out. CSG was jealous but he also turned out to be a complete ski (snowboard bum) – he was 21, lived with his parents during the winter, moves to Alaska during the spring, lives on a glacier and takes gives sled dog tours to cruise ship patrons during the summer. After all that is over he takes all his money and travels overseas until he runs out of money of snowboard seasons starts again, whichever comes first. Actually, now that I think of it, I want to be him. He has no responsibilities and gets to see the world. If CSG wasn’t so young I think I would have tried to eat his face off (AWESOME.) but he also has a girlfriend of some sort. Silly Cute Snowboard Guy.

I went up and down the disco run, which is the Discovery Run, which is a green bunny hill, all day and got pretty good at some turns but the faster you go the harder you fall as well. I was a little sore in lots of places the next day but I loved it I’m totally going to back. I don’t know if I’ll take more lessons but there were some really cute guys hanging out there so it might be worthwhile to really know what I’m doing so I can chat up people on the longer chair rides.

SOTD: is going to be Aerosmith Falling In Love “Is hard on the knees” because I never knew how sore I was going to be.

T-rel- this totally made my day. I LOVE IT. Well done. Anyone else want to guest blog for me? I'm accepting submissions always.

Sadder than sad.

I just went outside without a coat on, and then went back in and told everyone how warm it feels outside. The tv is on, and it's 10. TEN DEGREES.

Ten degrees felt warm to me. That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard, Chicago. (Ok, wind chill is 10 degrees. Tomato, tomahto, who the hell cares?)

I get on a plane to AZ in 12 days. Give me a hell yeah!

Also, I'm looking for a new suggestion to add to my list so that it'll be 31 Things to do by 31. Anyone? Then I'll get the rest of this done, I swear.

Also also, I'm going to have a guest blogger very soon. I'm so excited about it I can't even stand it. Seriously. I'm not even going to preview it so that it can be a surprise.

SOTD: Frozen by Madonna. Because Seriously.

More cute kid stories

I need to put these somewhere because otherwise I'm afraid I'll forget them.

Story #1- A parent was telling me the other day that at the beginning of the year, her son was having trouble with my last name and calling me "Ms. Activities." I decided that's my new superhero name. I was telling another teacher that, and he overheard, and now he's still calling me that. I like it. This same kid has been going through a weird transition, and he came in today, took off his coat, then crawled directly into my lap and said, "I missed you today." I nearly ate his face, and I can't promise that I won't do that by the end of the year.

Story #2- A kid was "hiding" in the cubbies, and I told her she needed to come out, because it wasn't safe. She said, "Why, are you worried I'll hurt my head with these hookers?" I said, "You know, those HOOKS are dangerous."
"Oh yeah, hooks. What are hookers?"
"Hm. I'm not sure, sounds like something you'd use for fishing."

Story #3- Same kid was telling me a story about her dad's dancing, and then she said, "Oops, I can't finish that story. It's not appropriate." I was dying.

SOTD: More babies. First watch this Superbowl commercial because it's awesome. Then you can listen to Broken Wings by Mr. Mister.

Sleepy girl ramblin'

Hey, you guys- this is my 150th post. Not bad considering I wasn't sure if this was a good idea. I'll be keeping it past the big dirty 30 celebration.

Anyway, a few things that are on my mind today.

First, am I the only one who looks at this shape and sees nothing but T'nA? No seriously. My roommate has already backed me up on this:

Someone really needs to let her know.

Also, has anyone ever noticed what a great swear Puxatawney Phil makes? Pretend you just stubbed your toe and say it out loud. Seriously, it's awesome. I'm totally going to start using that at school.

I learned how to drive stick. Blaire taught me, and it was nothing but giggling in a Burger King parking lot. Then we tried hittin' the streets, and it was nothing but honking and more giggling. I have a pic, but I can't find my cord to load pics to my computer (Sarah, do you still have that?) so too bad for you. One less thing on the list, though.

This is pathetic, but I'm blogging to keep myself awake. I have to stay up until at least 8:30. I have no excuse for why I'm this tired. Not even a little one.

OH YEAH! And my gov. got his ass impeached. I was watching the little press conference he did in front of his house, and my favorite part was after his pretty PR speech, he pretended he was going to go back inside, but then everyone was yelling questions at him. A kid was like, "Hey, will you shoot hoops with me this summer?" And he turns around, cracks up and grabs the kid and says, "Hey, wanna be on tv?" Also, the kid was wearing a Badger hat, which made me feel like he was totally sticking it to Illinois. I bet that part wasn't televised for everyone, but something about it really made me laugh.

SOTD: Light Up the Sky by Yellowcard. Because I heard this song earlier today when I was at the grocery store, having gone in straight from the gym, so I was super tired and gross. I was listening, and for a second my brain heard "Let me light up this guy, let me make this mine, I'll ignite for you." And only like two of those words are wrong, and all of the voices in my head were cracking up. This guy is an idiot! He's going to set himself on fire! Bitches ain't worth it, yo.

8:32. Nighty night.

Just dance.

Dear Lady Gaga,

(If that is, in fact, your real name.) So you wrote a song about being drunk. I'm not going to pretend I haven't been there. Sucks that you lost your keys and your phone already. But this song gets stuck in my head, and then I look at you, and for some reason you annoy the shit out of me and I can't exactly explain why. It means I hate it, and this has been going on for entirely too long. Like you, I also wish I could shut your playboy mouth.

(No seriously. But what does that even mean?) If you want to expose yourself to this madness, click here.

XOXO,

Rachel

I couldn't handle the neti pot picture first up there anymore. You might think that is water coming out of her nostril, but you would be mistaken.

Oh NO she di'int!

Oh hell to the no! I totally just stole this picture from someone else's blog, but seriously- I can barely even TALK about the Neti Pot thing, but to actually do it in public? You have got to be f'n kidding me!
No seriously, I'm concerned. It's obvious that this woman is in need of some friends to stop this insanity. I say we look her up and stage an intervention. This is SO not okay.

#29- Mission Abort

I just sort of looked at the calendar and realized that I'm totally under the gun on accomplishing my 30 things, so I took a good look at what's left, and made plans to go ice skating at Millenium Park. But then I fell down my front steps (yes, ALL of them) and decided that since my entire left cheek is already bruised, I may be putting that one off. BUT, I'm learning to drive stick tonight from Blaire and quite frankly, I wish I could rig a camera to the mirrors, because I think it's going to be hysterical. Wish us both luck!

SOTD: Fallin' by Alicia Keys. Yes, I hit every step on the way down. Yes, I also wish I had a video of that because I was holding an unsealed box full of stuff that all went flying so I bet it was hilarious.

Yes We Can.

Happy Inauguration Day.

I think my thoughts on today are best summarized by this story from school today.

We went to watch a part of the ceremony in the gym with the "big kids" for a few mins, because that was all the time we had. After the swearing in, when Obama began his speech, one of my 5-year-old boys stood up and put his hand over his heart, like he was about to say the Pledge of Allegiance. He stood there like that until we had to go, but I thought it was amazing that a 5-year-old would be moved like that. I told his mom, and she had tears in her eyes. I just hope that he'll be able to remember this and put it in perspective when he's older.

SOTD: Yes We Can by will.i.am and a whole bunch of other people, including my bf John Legend. I know it's old, and I heard there's a new one out today, but I still dig it.

Yikes.

Perhaps a little insight into why I am the way I am:

I was talking to my mom last night, just catching up when she says, "Hang on a minute, I have to flash your dad."

Um, what?

He was on the other line, and that's the button she uses to answer his call, but come ON. I told her that next time she needs to re-think her word choice, and then she laughed for about half an hour. Gross.

SOTD: Green Light by John Legend f/Andre 3000. Usually when John Legend is singing to me, he's trying to seduce me a little. On this song, it's not a little bit and he's kind of taunting me...he's got an obsession with us getting down and he's ready to go right now. I defy you to NOT shake your ass to this song. Even Stevie Wonder got down sometimes.

Happy Birthday, Slackey Jay!

I didn't go to Milwaukee this weekend for Slackey Jay's big 30th b-day bash. It was snowy and even Friday I wasn't 100% back from the sickness, so it ended up being a good thing. Instead, I spent the day disinfecting my apt. like a psychotic germophobe- it felt gooooood.

But back to the real reason I'm posting today- today is Jay's REAL b-day. B-day blogs tend to be sappy or mocking, and I was trying to come up with my favorite drunk college story about Jay, and even though there was the time that I dumped an entire box of cereal in his bed and he didn't yell at me, or the fact that I was there right before he went in to clean out the month-old puke from the bathroom, or the POS voting...among many many others...wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, I walked home from school today (it was the last day before it's going to be ungodly cold so I felt like I had to take advantage) and trying to figure out what to say, and just digging Chicago and the fact that I'm here and how much I like it here when I realized that Jay helped me out a lot here. Jay should have invented Facebook- he put me in contact with the person who got me the job that allowed me to move here. It was someone else that he put me back in contact with who introduced me to the roommates I've had now for over 4 years, who have become a HUGE part of my life. He keeps me in touch with people I'd probably forget otherwise. He's one of the first people I knew who had a blog, and he definitely is one of my most loyal readers/commenters.

So Jay, in looking back at your 30 years on this planet, know that you have definitely helped push my life into a way better place than I knew it could be many years ago when I was leaving Milwaukee. Can't wait to see you and Mary in a few weeks at my shindig!

(I did give the sappy warning, right?)

Jay is also a HUGE fan of the SOTD, so we're going to do a double play in his honor.

SOTD #1: Tempted by Squeeze.
SOTD #2: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes.

These are his two favorite songs to get stuck in his head. Every month or so, a text goes back and forth between us saying something along the lines of "I'm going to WICHITA!" Crap, it's stuck in my head just from grabbing the YouTube. Hope your party was a great time- I expect a blog, complete with pics soon. Oh yeah- and the profile pick was just for you.

Twentysomething

Yesterday, I'm cruising through my CD collection yesterday for something I haven't listened to in awhile, when I stumbled across this little gem I bought back in '04:

Hmm. I should probably listen to this, as I'm watching my friends go down left and right with the crossing over to the next decade. So I put it on, and I'm listening to the song "Twentysomething" and I have a few thoughts. Here's my line-by-line breakdown for your reading pleasure:

After years of expensive education

A car full of books and anticipation

I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot

But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought

Yeah, buddy, I feel you on this. I can count on one hand the number of people I knew in undergrad who are working in their "major". Especially the English majors. (That's not me ripping on you, just an observation.)

Maybe I'll go traveling for a year

Finding myself, or start a career

Could work the poor, though I'm hungry for fame

We all seem so different but we're just the same

Weird when you figure that out, isn't it? Also, I no longer feel like going traveling for a year is an option for me- apparently I'm an adult? I'm also not as worried about finding myself as I used to be. Huh.

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat

Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack

Shut it, I was busy today.

Who knows the answers, who do you trust

I can't even separate love from lust

Buddy, I sooooo cannot help you with that one. But you should definitely figure that out soon, because it will be useful later.

Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans

Working nine to five, answering phones

But don't make me live for Friday nights

Drinking eight pints and getting in fights

Another moment of advice from Auntie Rachel- honey, even people who love their jobs live for Friday nights. Answering phones for a living can suck, though, so maybe go in a different direction. Apparently pseudo rock star is working for you. (I use pseudo because this is in no way rock, and most of the songs on here are covers.) Also, EIGHT pints? Oh, you are twentysomething.

Maybe I'll just fall in love

That could solve it all

Philosophers say that that's enough

Philosophers say a lot of things. I don't think it's going to "solve it all". I hear it's nice, but let's be based in reality, mmmkay?

There surely must be more

Love ain't the answer, nor is work

Oh hey! Maybe you aren't such a dumb kid after all! Oh, you're cute. Here's a lollipop.

The truth eludes me so much it hurts

But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key

I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me

Good call, buddy. Good call. Just keep going, and you'll make it out of your 20's and look back and realize that you had a BLAST, and that what little growing up you may have done really is okay. To the babies who read this: (Tricia and Ashley, I'm looking right at you) Just keep having fun and keep being you.

This is seriously what was going through my mind yesterday while I was listening to this. I never said I was normal OR not condescending.

SOTD: Twentysomething by Jamie Cullum. Duh.

Bonus SOTD: Frontin' the Jamie Cullum version. This kid covering Pharrell killed me then, and I still dig it now. It's the real reason I bought this cd. I do miss the Jay-Z part, though.